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My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.
Job 42:5 (NIV)

Another devastating shock.

The third such shock in my life.

In an instant, my brother, and then my husband, and then my father were no longer on this Earth. My brother murdered on his 24th birthday by a random shooting. My husband murdered eight years ago on his way to work by a habitual drunk driver. And then, five years ago, my father died suddenly of a heart attack. Three deaths of immediate family members, excruciating pain and sorrow, but all three deaths have also been the catalysts for unimaginable blessings.

My brother’s death occurred when I was 29-years old and the mother of two young children. At the time, I was trying desperately to save my first marriage. Although I had accepted Christ as a young girl, I was trying to do it all on my “own” and live my life the way I thought best. I rarely “included” God in my daily life. During the shock-filled days immediately following my brother’s death, I was totally unaware of God’s presence. But He was there. A news reporter caught me at my brother’s funeral and asked for a comment for the sensational headline story. Somehow, in spite of my numbness, the words came tumbling out about how special it was that my brother went home to God on his birthday. God provided an opportunity and the words to show His grace to others.

I was so unworthy. God used me anyway. What an unimaginable blessing it is to be a part of God’s plan, a plan where He repeatedly shows us His love and faithfulness!

My husband’s death occurred just a little over eight years ago. The pain of losing my sweet, dear husband has been more excruciating than I can put into words. I miss him with every fiber of my being, every single day. But fortunately, I had drawn much closer to God before I lost my husband. Even in the midst of the initial shock of my husband’s death, I was very much aware of God’s presence. I was even able to worship God almost continually during the darkest of moments.

It was during this time God blessed me by reminding me how He protected Job throughout the battle with Satan. It was impressed in my spirit that like Job – everything Satan would throw at me would be filtered by God and, like Job, I could not lose. What an unimaginable blessing it is to know that even in the toughest, unimaginable moments, God is faithful, and we can never lose.

Then after my father’s death, I struggled yet again with sorrow and grief. I sometimes found that I would get lost in the grief which was compounded by memories of the loss of my husband and my brother. There were days when I wondered when the pain would ever end. It was hard to even remember what life used to be like before so much loss. But even then, like a gentle, soothing spring rain, I would become aware of God’s presence. What an unimaginable blessing it is to see God and to know the depth of the truth and blessing in Job’s words “my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.“

My beloved sisters, I pray you come to know in an even deeper and more intimate way the unimaginable blessing of truly seeing God, even in the darkest of days. He loves you and is with you – always!