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Recently, I was having a pretty tough day – the combination of the stay-at-home order, eLearning with my three children, my uncle’s passing from COVID 19 (and the complete sorrow I felt for my aunt and cousins) and my son’s birthday quickly approaching (without Michael here).

To add fuel to the fire, what would have been Michael and my 12th wedding anniversary was just a couple of days away – I can never quite prepare myself for that day and the sadness of knowing the only person that day has any real significance to isn’t here.

As widows, we can all find ourselves in the undertow of grief. Death is like that; its uncertainty interrupts our lives. And though time passes, the waves can hit us time and time again, happening with or without warning. A smell, a conversation, and dates and anniversaries can all trigger grief in unique ways. My waves now come further apart, but I’ve learned my hardest days or moments seem to appear when the circumstances, anniversaries and holidays begin to pile up.

When grief attempts to regain control in my life, it can often cause worry, and all of the “what ifs” come into play. So how do we turn our “what ifs” to accepting “what is” and trusting God’s got this – all of it?

I have learned to focus on what I can control. My job is praying, reading the Bible and staying close to the Lord. His job is everything else. We can praise Him for what He has done, is doing and what He will do, even when it’s hard. God is our perfect provider and will meet all of our needs.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Jesus Christ.”
Philippians 4:19 (NIV)

He is our refuge, no matter what we face – during the struggles of widowhood, during the struggles of a pandemic. Pour out your worries, your frustrations and your anxiety to him.

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”
Psalm 62:8 (NIV)

When we trust in the Lord, it doesn’t mean we will never experience fear or worry, it means we have faith He will take care of all things in their time. We can still worship our Savior and find joy, even in the midst of our struggles.

I remember several months after my husband Michael passed, I experienced joy even during horrific grief. I read the Book of John several times and found hope in Jesus and His promises, and I learned how to have an eternal perspective. This was only something the Lord could do … before, my earthly mind could never imagine extreme sorrow coexisting with hope and joy.

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”
Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NIV)

When our husbands die, it can feel like every, single, thing is torn away from us. But the Lord wants us to find JOY in HIM, sisters, not in our circumstances. Though we still experience waves of grief and will always miss our husbands, when we lean into Jesus and place our hope in him, we don’t have to experience a roller coaster of emotions day in and day out.

Let Jesus turn your worry into worship!

Lord, thank you for taking on our burdens. Help us to remember you are our refuge, no matter our circumstances. We know you are working even when we can’t see it or feel it. Remind us to keep our eyes on YOU, our perfect provider. Amen.