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Years ago when I lost my husband, my children looked to me for every need. But God comforted me with His promise to be Father to the fatherless.

The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; The Lord … upholds the widow and the fatherless,
(Psalms 146:8b-9a)

I trusted His plan for them and kept focused on the goal – their launch.

When launch takes longer than expected, can I still trust His plan?

I have moments of doubt, like the other night. I awoke at 2 in the morning and heard them up and about. A familiar unease crept over my heart. I tried to pray it away but caught myself praying out of fear, not confidence.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:6 (ESV)

Throughout my widow journey, I’ve learned to straighten my attitude before I pray. I usually do this with personal reflection and leaning on God. But this time I took matters into my own hands.

Big mistake.

Don’t look for reassurance from the world.

I tossed off my covers and stepped outside my room, roaming about the house looking for clues that these kids are closer to launch than my anxieties tell me.

Instead of reassurance, I got the enemy’s taunts.

Look here, the enemy pointed to my sons playing video games. One hasn’t found an internship and the other pushes his assignments to the end of the semester.

Then the enemy pointed out another son talking on the phone. What’s he got to say to someone at the wee hours of the morning?

The taunts awakened my worst fear:

…as a widowed mom, maybe I wasn’t enough!

I brazenly fought my fears on my own strength.

They come home for a break and do just that – take a break??? They should use this time for something productive!

That’s when I snapped. “Go to bed! Some of us have to work in the morning!”

Careful-be thankful. God reminded me.

But I wasn’t done rebelling. I defiantly talked back to God! After 15 widowed years, why should I be thankful?

Recognize the enemy’s game.

My boys’ reaction stopped my rant dead in its tracks.

I expected pushback. Instead, I got bewildered looks.

These guys were used to a mom who leaned on the Lord, rather than blurting things out.

And I didn’t need to blurt anything. It wasn’t what my kids were accomplishing or not accomplishing that was troubling me.

What I really needed was to regain my confidence and know: my obedience as a widow before God was working!

Fretting over what twenty-somethings do with their time is a battle in this world, where satan has his advantage.

“We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)

God’s not done with these kids, and He is certainly not done with us widows.

I got back into my room and on my knees.

I took a moment to erase my mind’s images of them milling around the house. I let God replace those thoughts with new recollections–how just the day before they worked together to clean the home and helped the oldest prepare his coding portfolio for the job interviews.

My anxieties melted. That’s usually how it happens. When I stop going to the world for reassurance, God just lays His peace on me.

My twenty-somethings are beautiful just as they are. The launch will happen God’s way, not mine. I simply have to remember that by trusting God’s plan for them, I can rejoice in who they are and what I have with them now.

Lord, whatever plan you have for the sister in Christ reading this, help her to trust You with it. Help her to see her mission from Your eyes, and not put the world’s spin on her expectations. Help her to always pray with thankfulness. Amen.