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Time has proven one of my earliest “grief fears” baseless.

I FEARED THAT AS THINGS AROUND ME CHANGED, MEMORIES OF LIFE WITH MY HUSBAND WOULD DISAPPEAR.

My children asked if they would forget how he sounded when he spoke or laughed. I tried not to let them see my own anxiety from similar thoughts. What if I couldn’t remember him the way he was? Would that make our years together meaningless? After all, at the time, grief already made life seem empty and hollow.

As time passed, I realized he was still with me in so many ways though no longer physically present. I heard his voice in my head and in my dreams. Deep in the valley of grief, it was best not to make any life-changing decisions for at least a year; but I thought through plans for the future, recalling past conversations with him to use as a blueprint.

Eventually, I listed our suburban home of thirteen years and moved into a metro area of the city. Thankfully, this was not a hard decision since a year and a half earlier my husband and I had made plans to move when he returned from his military deployment. All of our church, homeschool, and family activities took place in the city. We both wanted to move in order to spend less time driving and consequently, more time at home.

Neither of us could have known that I would be moving without him.

I DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE HIS MEMORY BEHIND.

Understandably, we all had mixed emotions about our move. Interpreting my own feelings was hard enough; pinning down a set point on the emotional roller coaster of five other people was nearly impossible.

Our grown children had a hard time coming to their childhood home after their dad died. The contrast of previously stopping by and knowing he might be home when they came over, to knowing he would never be there again, was just too painful! They basically stopped coming to the house. It hurt to feel like I was not worthy of a visit with him gone; but I knew in reality it was only their perception of what our home had been that changed, not their love for me as their mother.

The three still living at home looked forward to living closer to friends in the city, but our current home was the only one they remembered other than what they saw in photos. There was no reference for living somewhere else. They only knew they missed their dad and this was their connection to him. What if they forgot and no longer could walk through the rooms that helped them remember?

We focused on positive things that would come with the move. Personally, I chose to cling to verses in Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 that gave encouragement during the transition from one home to another.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV)

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil — this is God’s gift to man.
Ecclesiastes 3:11-13 (ESV)

Convinced it was the best thing for our family, we packed our belongings and made the move. Our new house immediately felt like home and we loved the freedom it gave us. All the children seemed more content to be there and that blessed my heart.

WE HAD TREASURED MEMORIES THAT MOVED WITH US TO CHERISH AS LONG AS WE LIVE.

Father, change can be scary in the best of times. In grief, sometimes overwhelming. Leaving behind the place where sweet memories were made is not easy, but You have orchestrated a time and season for every part of our lives. You have the power to help us transition to a new season without fear, our memories deeply embossed on our hearts. Please help us to move forward with joy and to do good as long as we live. Amen.