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Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children….that the word of God may not be reviled.
Titus 2:3-4 and 5b ESV

“Older woman”. When I was widowed thirteen years ago, I shrank from those words. I’m still on the younger side of the group of women who call themselves widows. But years of raising my kids alone and learning to be happy as a daughter in Christ has matured me in a good way. I now embrace the title, “older woman”.

It’s brought clarity to God’s truth in a world which pushes people away from God’s truths.

Deep down we all want answers. So when God places you among those struggling with truth, it’s good to know your role. Be a friend and be open to learning a new perspective, but remember your grounding in the Word along with your role as the “older woman”.

That’s what I discovered when long-time friends shifted away from conventional Christian thinking on a topic.

Surprised by their drift, at first I didn’t want to “hear them out”. I wanted to avoid the matter altogether. Draw the shades. Pretend this difference of opinion is something I can forget, like turning off the news when you see people fighting in the streets. Do I need to feel any more different from married friends by not going along with their new views?

Apparently, God thought so.

I stayed in the conversation and learned so much. Mostly humility. True wisdom of “older women” isn’t just sharing our experiences. It’s being humble and open to the wisdom of others.

As these ladies began to unfold positions, I was struck by the calm God gave me, even as we were, as I expected, on different pages.

The “older woman” doesn’t preach or judge. She listens. She appreciates how another came to see things their way. These women are fabulous– each strong and faithful in their own right. I simply accepted and loved them and hoped they’d do the same in return.

I grew to love their passion for trying to fit together pieces of a broken world. And then something interesting happened. They wanted to hear the conventional view again. As I spoke with soft, gentle words, I felt mutual acceptance. We learned from each other.

Things aren’t black and white as we would rather have them. As Christians, we allow flexibility on issues, but that flexibility doesn’t mean we end up with the same conclusions. We embrace one another, even when we disagree.

Afterwards, I took a long walk with God. “They didn’t come back to Your Truth,” I complained.

He answered with warm reassurance. If it were not for His company, I might have felt lonely.

Sisters, not agreeing with friends is hard. Especially in a world where people fear losing careers over saying the wrong words.

We shouldn’t be afraid with our sisters in Christ. Let’s honor the Lord with our behavior. Let’s fulfill the honorable role of “older women” as laid out in Scripture. Remember, Paul followed with this purpose: “…teach what is good, and so train the young women to love …. that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:4-5 ESV)

The next morning one of the friends reached out with her thoughts. She understood the matter in a deep, considerate way. She expressed her love for all of us and was happy to see the unity in our friendships. Friendships can always find common ground!

Lord, help us widows know we hold a special role among our sisters and believers who are wrestling in some way. They look to us to be gracious mentors of their faith. By becoming stronger in our own walk, we are able to help others.