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Again, I was caught off guard and undone when I stumbled upon my husband’s Last Will and Testament! A flood of memories ensued! I remembered when we updated his Will, knowing only a miracle of God could eradicate his metastatic cancer. Not long after, our attorney drove to my husband’s hospital room minutes before he was taken into routine surgery to drain excess fluid build-up from sepsis treatment. Post-op he remained on the ventilator a couple more days and never spoke again. Instead, he died.

My life partner, confidante, counselor, father of my children and the love of my life breathed his last. Yet, our hearts carry so many imprints of our husbands, while we learn to live without them at our sides.

Real love has no expiration date and therefore no time frame applies to grief. However, can the way we think shorten, lengthen, or deepen the pain of grief?

I know how I think impacts my attitude and actions. Focusing on, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” brings faith and grace, while telling myself it’s all too hard results in discouragement. I don’t want to make things more difficult or painful so I do watch my thinking.

Our needs are never beyond God’s reach but we have our part.

“Take every thought captive to obey Christ.”
2 Corin. 10:5 (ESV)

What is important is what we tell ourselves:

• “I’m more and more irrelevant” vs “God always has a purpose for me.”
• “I’m unequal to all these changes.” vs “Good. I can experience God’s supernatural sufficiency.”
• “I’m disappointing my friends.” vs “I live for an audience of One. I will apply the grace I would welcome from others.”
• “If people who say they love me, no longer invite me since Frank died, am I of less value without him? vs “Many factors may apply but without an honest conversation, I’d best not make assumptions.”
• “Am I needed?” vs “Of course, or God would have taken me to Himself.”

I know I am loved. I have been incredibly supported and yet I am human and have low moments. Can we agree that some thoughts are unhelpful? You probably have your own as well. Truly there is a redefinition of who we are when our second half is gone. That redefinition can be built on what we find in the Bible or on fear, insecurities, etc. Reflecting on God’s own love for us, and knowing that our husbands found us worth loving, the choice is to build on God’s Word. Find your “go-to” verses to cancel the negative thoughts that assault.

We have an enemy who looks for vulnerabilities but those same vulnerabilities in God’s hands are strengths.

Dear and Precious Lord, You hear our thoughts and know them before we even think them. You know their origin and we need more of Yours! Please highlight to us the traps we can think ourselves into and bring Your Word present. We love and thank You. Your Truth is eternal and upon You we choose to build our futures. In Jesus Name.