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There are no words:

to bring comfort to someone in the throes of grief.

to describe the agonizing pain of grief that never seems to end.

to adequately share the worship in our hearts.

But we must find the words….to comfort others.

What should we say when someone who is going through grief? There is no easy answer. While many may say, “I’m so sorry for your loss”or “You are in our hearts and prayers”, we really need to do so much more. We need to start by listening. We need to listen to the Holy Spirit who lives in us and is the only one who can bring to mind just the right words at just the right moment. He will give us the words to comfort others. It’s not okay to walk away and do nothing. We know first hand the isolation that comes with widowhood. As widows, we are uniquely equipped to comfort other widows. It is so important for us to share our stories of God’s faithfulness to comfort and encourage others.

And we must find the words…to describe the pain.

I can’t begin to count how many times people asked me how I was doing and I replied “good” or “fine”. I remember constantly reminding myself they don’t really want to know -it’s just too much. Now I regret not sharing more. So often we are shocked with how little people understand about grief, and now I realize how often we hold back and don’t share. How are they going to learn if we don’t teach?

People need to know how hard it really is. When my husband died suddenly, I experienced Broken Heart Syndrome. I had never even heard of it before. I literally felt like I was having a heart attack every day for six months. If I had walked into an emergency room and had tests done they would have thought so too. Broken Heart Syndrome is a physical reaction of fluid building up around your heart that mimics a heart attack. And yet I went to work every day and told people I was fine. I couldn’t comprehend what was going on in my mind and my body until I sought professional help. Even then, I didn’t want family and friends to worry so I kept saying I was fine.

It really hit home how much I had hidden when a couple of years later a close friend experienced concern that her mother was still grieving after eight months. I was shocked that she had no idea of how long and how intense the pain would be since she walked with me closely while I was grieving. I missed an opportunity to teach that would have helped her and her mother.

Why do we need to share about the pain?

If we teach others about the pain, if we openly share what we go through, there can be several benefits. First, they will begin to understand the commitment that is needed to walk alongside someone going through grief. Often they think they are needed just the first few months and then on the special days (first Christmas, first anniversary, first birthday, etc.) Most people have no idea the second year can be even harder than the first as the shock wears off and reality sinks in.

Secondly, they will be able to see God working through our weakness. Our human nature is to hide our weaknesses, but what we are really doing is denying others the opportunity to clearly see God at work. If we don’t share the pain, they won’t know how God brought beauty out of ashes. Instead they will think/say – she is so strong, I could never be that strong.

And we must find the words… to share the love and worship in our hearts.

Deep suffering leads to a much deeper understanding of how truly great our God is. It can be so hard to put into words, but words are desperately needed. People need to know! We have an awesome God who loves us more than we can possibly imagine. God is faithful! He is our redeemer, our savior, our friend! Every single day, He is with us! Words we may have heard before but in the context of our suffering they penetrate our hearts with new intensity!

Find your words sister, share your stories, and glorify God!

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14 ESV