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Who would ever choose the widows’ journey?

I wouldn’t choose it for any of us, or for my worst enemy.

The stark contrast of life without my husband is often stunning, numbing, confusing, frightening, and disorienting—and with good reason! When my beloved died, I had no picture whatsoever of life without him. It is difficult not to feel a victim of the circumstances that led to the huge loss–whatever the cause. What formidable terrain widows travel! This is the journey we never wanted. On my journey, I’ve discovered three survival actions. I wanted to move from feeling overwhelmed or incapacitated to empowered and purposeful. This of course, is no overnight journey, but painstaking, and character-making.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Pr. 13:12 (ESV)

These lessons help reinstate hope because so much hope has been deferred by death, like future plans…

I learned to:

Give myself something for which to look forward and to accomplish.

My forty-year role as wife and activities of our shared life were replaced with activities pertaining to my husband’s death. I needed something unrelated to look forward to doing so I initiated a girlfriend gathering with two dear longtime friends. We met in beautiful Charleston. It was like a warm blanket to share our history and recent events. The next year we visited Philadelphia. Each trip was refreshing and healing. My husband and I greatly loved to travel so to continue that with dear friends was priceless.

At home I scheduled lunches with caring friends and family dinners. I only had so much emotional energy so too much socializing exhausted me but too much alone time and I could think myself into a pit.

As my attention increased, I began to write down tasks to accomplish daily/weekly. It helped me to feel more useful just crossing things off! I was productive and could prove it!

Be my own cheerleader.

My greatest past cheerleaders were my mom and husband. I have a loving family and great friends but so many of the challenges that come with being a widow are not things someone else would know to cheer. I now give myself the well deserved, “atta girl’s.” I try to notice when I accomplish something difficult or painful and proclaim, “I did it, God!” We all need encouragement along this unwanted journey. We often lose sight that our guys and scores of witnesses above are cheering us on. Let’s join them and cheer ourselves!

Continue learning.

I put all I had into caring for and praying for my husband during his heart-breaking battle with cancer. To watch someone you love decline and die is such a helpless feeling. Over time I noticed lingering remnants of that helpless feeling decrease as I learned new things. I suspect we’d each be amazed at all we’ve learned and done for ourselves. Whether it’s financial, medical, or other decisions, there’s no doubt we have learned taking new steps on the journey we never wanted. That says something!

God’s grace empowers us to take actions for our best. Many widows have received comments about their strength. They’re amazed, but grace is strength and sufficiency. God is the surest place on whom to place everything, including ourselves! He makes possible what we cannot imagine and functions in the impossible. Christ is our Advocate now and always. We live here briefly in eternities’ time table, yet for a loving and redemptive purpose. Blessings, sisters! Let’s pray.

Remember us today, dear Lord, until our sweet reunion with You. Keep us focused on the life You have for us to live here. Please remind us of things we’ve accomplished by Your grace, what we do have, and are learning in this journey with You. Show us from the lens of Your wisdom and love how our lives are Yours and are viable expressions of Your Life and Love. In Jesus Name. Amen.