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I can do all this through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13 ESV

I have a great fudge recipe. I inherited it when I married Keith. It is one of those with a story behind it, similar to the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe. Consequently, Wrights are asked to make the fudge often, especially at Christmas.

Like most fudge recipes, this one requires precise timing. When Keith was alive, we used to make it together, each of us having our own jobs in the process. He was the stirrer, while I set up the next step, timed the parts of the process, and got the pan ready for the completed mixture. We always did it the same way. I had never tried to make fudge by myself…until he passed away.

The first Christmas, I tried to make things as “normal” as possible for us, and so, of course, that meant making the fudge. I boldly got everything ready, wanting to continue the tradition.

Promptly I found that it was too much to do in a short time alone.

I ended up fussing at my oldest, not quite nine at the time, who stepped in to help. Then I collapsed in a puddle of tears he surely did not understand.

I don’t have enough hands to do it the way that I used to.

What a metaphor for so many things in my widow walk!

Four kids, homeschooling, keeping a house, doing household repairs, taking care of finances, Bible study, and church work–the list seems endless some days.

Solving my fudge dilemma was not earth-shattering or world-changing, but it was a sticking point with me, evidence that my life would never be the same. I felt I was at a cross-roads, trying to pick up the pieces of me and my family that first Christmas.

And I was.

But you know what I realized then, and what continues get me through the toughest of moments still today?

Just because I can’t do it the way I used to doesn’t mean I can’t do it…I just have to find a new way.

And, with patience and forethought, I did. I now make multiple batches of fudge each Christmas, having developed my own system to accomplish a good batch of Wright-style fudge easily.

Does God care about how much fudge I make? Probably not too much…except if I eat the whole batch myself.

Does God care about Christmas traditions and my feeling peaceful and secure through the holidays? Oh yes, dear sister, He does! He most assuredly does!

Your list may look different from mine, but I know you have a lot on your plate as well. You may be finding the upcoming holiday overwhelming, simply because you don’t have enough hands to do it the way you used to.

Take heart, dear sister!

By God’s grace, you can figure this out, the big things and the small! He is there for you, every step of the way.

And here’s a little “recipe” from me on how to start:

• Don’t be afraid to change – or to stay the same. I am a big sap for traditions; thus this post on fudge. Some things we do exactly the same as when Keith was alive and some things we do markedly different. Through trial and error (and lots of prayer – see below), we are making new Wright family Christmas, a blend of the old and the new.
• Ask the Lord – what should be part of your holiday traditions and what should you scrap as too much to do, at least this year.God cares about every detail of your life, every hair on your head, so don’t be afraid to go to Him!
• Ask others – in my experience, carrying the boxes down from the attic, putting up the outside lights, or bringing a tree home from the lot are things a teen would love to help do – and you could pay him in cookies (or fudge)!
• Give yourself a break – I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself that first year to have “the best Christmas ever.” We had a good Christmas then, and continue to have good Christmases. But the tears are still inevitable, many Christmases later. We just plain old miss Keith and always will.
• Remember the reason for the season – in our commercialized world, it is difficult to keep the focus on Christ in any family, not just a grieving one. In our family, we try to do activities to remind us of Christ and honor Him, instead of just worshiping Santa: nightly devotions, advent calendars, and service to others. We each have lost a lot in our lives, but He came here with the express purpose of giving His all for us. Humbling, when you think about it.

My prayer for each of you, dear sisters, is that you can find the joy in your Christmas, even amidst the pain.

Father in Heaven, I pray that especially in this season where we celebrate Your Son’s birth, we can find joy in this earthly journey. Some days that is really hard, Lord. We miss our husbands, and have too much work to do here. But we know, Lord, that You are there for us, every step of the way. Help us to find solace in that. Help us to find peace in You this Christmas, and every day. In Jesus’ precious Name I pray, Amen.