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Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Matthew 26: 38-39 (NIV)

“I’m sorry Mommy, I wish I could take it back!”

My daughter was in tears, as she was reprimanded for getting frustrated. She had pushed her sometimes pesky little brother head-over-heels off the bed.

How about you? Like my girl, do you ever wish you could take something back? A harsh word…A sticky situation…A painful time.

For me, there are really far too many “take it backs” to list. But I do have one that stands out the most: the day my husband took his own life. That horrific day, I stood in the funeral home crying out to God, pleading from depths I didn’t know existed. I begged Him to take it back, believing He could do this miracle!

But “take it back” wasn’t possible, so I shifted my prayers and my cries rather quickly.

“Please Lord, use this…for Your glory!”

My husband’s life wouldn’t be defined by one horrible moment, because I serve a God that’s so much bigger. Even as my faith was being tested beyond anything I could have fathomed, I believed God would use it if He chose not to take it back or prevent it.

I’ve seen Him doing that every single day in both big and small ways:

• through the dark times, when I could barely muster up the strength to get out of bed
• when my kids cried themselves to sleep, or woke up from a nightmare crying out for their daddy.

God healed us and moved us beyond those early dark days. He’s provided us with so much help and support.

He has restored us a little more with each passing day. He has brought joy and hope back to our home. God is using our story to bring honor and glory to Him every time He gives me the opportunity to share it.

When I needed it most it brought me great comfort to read in God’s word that I am not alone in the “take it back” department:

• Moses (Exodus 3:11),
• Jonah (Jonah 1:3),
• Job (Job 23:4)
• even Christ himself all at some point wanted God to “take it back” (Matthew 26:36-46)

Yes even Jesus!!

In the book of Matthew, Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane and the full awareness of what lay ahead weighed heavily on Him. He prayed and cried out because Jesus knew full well God could take it; but He also knew if God didn’t remove this, He was going to use it.

Did He ever… Jesus died on the cross for us all, so through Him we may have eternal life with Him.

How awesome!

Sisters, no matter where you are in your grief journey, no matter how you lost your beloved husband, we can trust His will. We can rest assured that in this and all things, whether the Lord takes it back or not, He will use it for His glory (Romans 8:28).

What a comforting promise!

Father God, help us to trust You and Your plan for our lives. Even though we didn’t get to see You “take it back”, help us to see and feel the many ways You use our loss and our stories to bring glory to You. In Your Matchless Name, Amen.