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“For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Cor. 12:10 (ESV)

Paul’s statement seems contradictory doesn’t it? However, his statement was tested out in his life:

“Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers…Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?”
2 Cor. 11:24-26,29 (ESV)

Certainly I cannot relate to the causes of weakness Paul relates here, but feeling weak, YES. Never have I felt so weak as following the death of my beloved. What about you?

Some days I knew I had the strength to make a call to notify a business of my husband’s death and other days I didn’t think I could. Ultimately all notifications were made but these calls underscored a reality I was grappling to process, while taking an emotional toll.

When my husband died, people, including my granddaughter, heralded my strength. It wasn’t mine. Feelings don’t tell us we are strong. Faith does.

When I was most compromised by grief, God showed Himself strong. When I had no strength left to manufacture, God miraculously intervened and continues to intervene. His upholding arms are such an improvement over my own paltry strength. While I was growing up, my mom used to say I was tenacious because I would keep trying and not easily give up. It’s true I tend to press through hard things, or attempt to, but better still is Christ working through me.

I am carried by Him when I cease striving, relax into His care and surrender.

I am reminded that my life is more God’s business than my own. Paul confirms this when he states this truth, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” Gal. 2:20 (NIV). Since I am strong-willed, I too often try to soldier on but quickly in this journey of grief discovered I was spent, without reserves on which to draw. This realization propelled me toward surrendering myself, in all my weakness to God and His inexhaustible strength.

Our Lord is good and mighty, with reservoirs in His love and grace to navigate the minefields of the great loss we suffer. How wonderful to know we can begin each new day with, “Lord, I accept Your mercies I need this day. Thank You.” He knows what we need and is ready with His mercies before we know—each new day and every day.

Sometimes I have felt in emotional free-fall, especially in the early days after my husband died. Grief has shown me not to live by my emotions but to go deeper in my faith. Feelings are fickle but faith is an anchor in any storm. I see faith as a kind of spiritual gravity, a grounding when torrential change spins, spits and dives.

No surer place may we find safety than in the security of God’s care. My previous life had felt scripted before and suddenly was unscripted. God had the script but I didn’t have a clue. I needed to be guided by God’s sight, not my own. After all, we are told to walk by faith, not by sight. There is peace in letting go to Him. He is able to masterfully navigate us whatever our sorrow, our challenges and limitations. I truly witnessed this when dealing with business matters as a new widow. Business was my husband’s domain, though we both worked. I’m more the creative type. God amazed me with how functional I was able to be while feeling quite undone. What a comfort we have in Jesus!

David offers a great prayer in Psalm 33:22: “Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us. Just as we hope in You.” Help our faith plumb deeper and to stabilize our steps in You. In our weakness, show Yourself strong. Because of Jesus. Amen. (NKJV)