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“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

They say “opposites attract” and that was certainly the case for us.

My husband was a leader, and I was very content to be a follower. I was always content to let him speak (for both of us) and stay in the background. He was not shy, like I was!

However, I seem to be changing since losing my husband.

Even though it is not my nature, I believe the Lord has been urging me to “speak out” and tell my story – a story of how He walks with me and gives me the courage to take each step to move forward on this journey.

I am finding the pain of this journey gives me an opportunity to trust Him more and it draws me closer to Him. Even joy can emerge from the ashes of this adversity through trusting and thanking Him.

My unexpected journey of widowhood began on January 12. In just the week before, my husband and I had celebrated Christmas, our 48th wedding anniversary, and then spent a quiet New Year’s Day at home. That evening everything seemed very normal as we prepared to settle in for the night. I had difficulty sleeping, so after keeping my husband awake from tossing and turning, I decided to go to my recliner and at least let him rest. We talked and he agreed that was a good idea. Again, no warning that anything was wrong. I finally fell asleep in my recliner and woke up a few hours later to find that my husband had passed in his sleep sometime during those few hours.

What a shock! I will never forget the feeling of panic that set in as I realized he was gone.

I depended on him for everything and could not even imagine how I could ever survive and go on without him.

In less than a month after my husband died, I left our home, most of our earthly possessions, our church and our friends, and moved several hundred miles to live with family.

After a year there, I downsized again and moved back to the area where I was raised. I had been gone from there for over forty years, but felt it offered the stability I was looking for in this season of my life.

During the second year, I went through three surgeries and continue to live with daily health issues. All of which were things I thought I could not do without my husband by my side.

Even though my whole world was turned upside down, because of God’s grace, I have survived!

The past few years have not been easy and certainly not my choice. There are chapters of my story I would rather not include. As I go back and read the things I have written, I sometimes feel like I focus on the pain and loneliness too much; nevertheless, it is real and a vital part of my story.

However, because I believe and trust my heavenly Father, I will humbly attempt to accept this part of my story and move forward knowing that He always has my best interest in His heart and plans.

Yes, I have a story to tell – one that began when I took my first breath and it will not end until I breathe my last. I don’t know what the rest of my story will be – but God does. He has the storyline already figured out and is carefully crafting the words and happenings to fill in the blanks.

It’s up to me to keep moving forward, no matter how slowly, in order to see what the rest of the story is.

I recently read “your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles”. One never knows who might be influenced by our words or actions, so, it’s also up to me to keep telling my story.

I want to encourage others that they too can survive on this journey and even find joy again!

Heavenly Father, I thank You for walking with me on this lonely journey and giving me the courage to move on. I pray that each time I share my story with others You might allow even one to find encouragement and not give up! Let us never forget You are there for us – always. Amen