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My eyes flutter open. It is a rare day when no alarm clock is needed and the morning calendar is void of events. A few months into the newness of widowhood, I lie in bed realizing that I am different.

I ask myself, “Who am I now?”

I’m one of those old-fashioned girls who always wanted to be a wife and mother. There is no shame in that. I enjoyed my career too, but role of wife and mother was my dream “job”. I thrived being under the loving leadership of my husband.

He is gone now.

It is clear who I am not. I was my husband’s primary caregiver during his cancer battle. Suddenly, I am no longer the charter and giver of all medications, the guider of his walker as he navigates his way out of his home hospital bed, no longer the overseer of changing his clothing, the administer of nourishment through his feeding tube, no longer the helper for his personal care, nor the one reading to him as his eyes fail.

As I stretch my memory past the illness, to the beautiful years of our marriage, I find that I have lost many other pieces of myself as well. I am without my best-friend, the Spiritual leader of our home, my parenting partner, my lover, and my biggest fan. (Wow. That’s a huge loss in one single blink of an eye.)

Thankfully, I am still Mom to our two children. But even that role has changed. I have new responsibilities as the only parent in this home. I am the sole overseer of homework, sports schedules, chores, and nutrition. I am the lone chauffeur for all road trips, long or short. I am the one to guide our children, emotionally and physically as they navigate grief and the early teen years.

To be honest, it’s a lot, but you already know this, because you too are walking the lonely road of the widow. Some of you are also raising children during this transition. Some aren’t, but whether we have that common thread or not, I am guessing you feel like you’ve lost a chunk of who you are also.

So much has changed.

WHO are we now?

I have a rule that I have implemented in my life to keep my train of thought positive when life is topsy-turvy.

When you are unsure of something, go back to what you KNOW is true.

So, what is true about who we are?

We are children of the most high God (Acts 17:28).

We are forever His treasured possession (Deuteronomy 7:6).

We are guided by Truth (John 16:13).

We are forgiven (Ephesians 1:7).

We are fully complete, strengthened in His might, lacking nothing (Colossians 1:11 & 2:10).

We are holy and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12).

Losing the role of wife has shaken me to my core. It has left me feeling lonely, awkward and lost. Can you relate? I am so thankful that God reminds us of our worth, regardless of what our earthly “titles” are. We are still precious and beautiful in His sight. He wants us to see the beauty that remains within us. Let’s rest in the knowledge of who He says we are!

Lord, thank You for staying with us right in the messy middle of our lives (Hebrews 13:5b). This life gets ugly and it is so easy to lose sight of our true identity. You call us “loved”, “accepted”, and “friend”. Wow. Remind us when we forget, Lord. Let us feel the saturation of who You say we are from the inside out. Amen.