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See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that “no root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.
Hebrews 12:15 ESV

Have you ever heard the saying, “Choose better over bitter?”

As a woman who’s had to bury my husband at the age of forty-two, I’ve had to make an intentional effort to practice choosing better over bitter. Sadly, I’m not always successful, but thankful that God gives grace and forgiveness, so I can try to do better the next time around.

After reading the above verse in Hebrews chapter twelve, I’ve come to realize how susceptible I am as a widow to be cultivating a crop of bitterness. Bitterness starts out as a seed called hurt, as the roots grow taller and stronger, the hurt matures into anger. The anger grabs on and tries to suffocate the fruit that comes from giving grace and practicing forgiveness.

As widows, we’ve all had to deal with some big hurts in our lives before our husbands’ deaths and subsequently, after their deaths as well. Hurtful words, “glass house judging”, being left out because we’re not part of a couple anymore, harsh chatter, feeling invisible and the actual loss. If we’re not careful, all of those issues can make the soil of our hearts ready for the seed of hurt to mature and become a bumper crop of bitterness. It’s all a vicious cycle, and we use our hurt and anger to decide who is worthy of receiving the “grace of God.” God gets our attention and reminds us, He alone is in charge of choosing who is worthy. He knows the whole story, therefore, He is the best one to judge the situation. We do not know the whole story, therefore, we’re disqualified in the judging department. The discernment He gives about the situation isn’t meant to assist Him in the judging, but is a call to prayer.

Some tell-tale signs you might be raising a crop of bitterness.

• You keep re-hashing hurts over and over again
• You’ve told people about the hurts you’ve experienced more than you’ve been praying about it.
• You’re having a hard time praying.
• You’re finding it hard to have daily quiet time with God and His word

The most important aspect that the “root of bitterness” impedes is the ability to move forward into what Christ has for me. As I write, I realize the enemy wants to stop my pace. He wants me to get so exhausted from the disappointments of people that I walk away from Christ’s calling. Our purpose is to bring Christ glory and to share our story with others. Our calling involves people. The enemy knows this truth and he’s going to try to discourage us and put up roadblocks anyway he can be successful.

The best way to deal with the “roots of bitterness” is to grab them by their tops and pull them out completely. Don’t let those roots have one more bit of your territories to wreak havoc.

• Pray and ask God to remove all those “roots of bitterness” and to give you an immediate warning when you try to replant those roots. Repeat.
• Vent to Christ about the hurts you’ve experienced. He’ll bring you peace.
• Practice gratitude.
• Try to re-establish some quiet time with Christ and His word.

Dear Lord, We want to repent and ask You to remove the roots of bitterness in our lives by their tops and leave no remnant of them in the soil of our hearts. Please help us to realize the importance of producing the fruit of forgiveness and grace as we move forward in our lives with You. In Your Mighty Name, amen.