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There is simply no anticipating the ripple effects we experience when death separates us from our second half- our beloved. These ripple effects have a broad reach but are unique as are we, impacting us emotionally, cognitively, spiritually, and relationally.

I like to feel there is some order, purpose and destination to my life. I never felt the loss of this more than when my beloved died. So much was out of my hands, beginning with the fact I was now a widow. The feeling my life was out of control produced an unexpected behavior of blurting things out without my usual filter. Not good!
Since God has my life in His hands, my life wasn’t out of control. True as that is, in my humanness, it felt like I was walking in a dense fog. I have since learned that blurting is very normal in trauma; however, the goal is to cultivate a pause before speaking. It was a ripple that I hadn’t anticipated and is another area I’ve sought God’s help…

Here are some other ripples I’ve noticed. Perhaps you can relate in some way?

• I found myself functioning on auto-pilot or wondering how I was going to move forward without my beloved.
• I have experienced times of decision paralysis and anxiety like never before.
• My emotions have ranged from numb to frightening in intensity and unpredictability.
• I’ve definitely felt altered, less myself without my better half.

It is tremendously comforting to know that God sees us with compassionate knowledge and has provision at the ready for the many alterations rippling from our immense losses. God alone is our true refuge and strength for the confusing, painful, and often exhausting journey of “silent desperation,” at times. I would liken it to the contrast between Winter’s dormancy and Spring’s revitalization. During Winter, darkness squeezes away the hours of light to a small number but with the transition to Spring the days lengthen with light. Such is the transition I’ve experience in grief.

“Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”
Ps. 20:6,7 (ESV)

God would have us know that with Him we are equal to our present journey and that may include enlisting precious others to help us. God truly used three dear widowed friends. I was able to borrow their eyes, in a sense, to see hope beyond my current disorientation and cavernous grief. From my steps and missteps God has shone me these empowering actions to take:

God works through our interactions with one another. It is here where our hearts breathe and divine exchanges of His love and ministry occur. Time with one of my widowed friends inevitable includes both laughter and tears when we get together. That’s just how it works for us and we benefit and derive comfort for our sharing.

Christ’s two commandments were to love God with all we are and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Doing these two things by God’s own love in our hearts is a treasure for all sides. We need community more than ever now. Sometimes, I have to push myself but cannot recall a time when I wasn’t grateful.

As we close, please add your voice to this prayer:

Compassionate God, I, (your name), ask that I would personally experience your companionship, comfort, wisdom, and provision in ways I cannot miss. My life is in Your hands and when things threaten to overwhelm, please remind me You have me. Lord, I love You and thank You for Your enduring love. In Christ, Amen.