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The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
Psalm 138:8 (ESV)

For the past few years, since my husband’s home going, I have still considered where we last lived in Tennessee, as “home”.

It is the place where everything is familiar, where I remember our home – filled with our “stuff”, our friends, our church, favorite restaurants, favorite stores, and many memories. We loved the mountains – this was where we were going to grow old together!

After my husband’s sudden and unexpected passing, it was very evident that I could not function in Tennessee on my own; I needed to be closer to my family. A month after my husband died, I moved a very small amount of our personal belongings to be with family in Florida, and one year later I moved even less of our “stuff” back to the mid-west, where I grew up.

As I approached the anniversary of my husband’s passing, I had a very strong urge to get back “home” to Tennessee.

I did not know exactly what I thought going back would do for me, but I really wanted to be there during the time that was our last week together. I wanted to go back to where we had celebrated Christmas, our anniversary, and New Years’ together, just the two of us. Things just did not work out that year for us to travel to be with family for the holidays, but as I now look back, God gave us a very special time together!

I knew getting back “home” would be a bit of a challenge. It would be a seven-hour drive (which I could not do alone) and there were no good air connections. I continued to pray something would work out. In late November, my cousin called to say she and her husband were planning some time away and would be driving Christmas day within miles of where I wanted to go. Perfect timing! I twisted her arm and she promised to save a “small “place for me in the back seat! Our trip went well and I actually arrived back “home for Christmas”, plus we stayed Christmas night about 5 miles from where our house had been!

I believe the time back “home” was a significant part of the healing process for me.

I had a wonderful time with my old friends. We reminisced, went back to our favorite restaurants and stores, our church, and I even went back to see our home and neighborhood. Most things have not changed, but I began to realize that even if I could go back just like it was, it would never be the same without my husband! The things I long for and remember include him – without him in the picture, it would never be the same.

Admitting and really believing that my husband is gone, and life’s got to go on, is probably one of the toughest things I have ever done. When you love someone so deeply (in my case for nearly fifty years) and he has filled a need that was never filled by anyone else, letting go is not easy.

I was very grateful to be back “home” on the anniversary of my husband’s death. Yes, there were moments of sadness and some tears, but I was also able to smile and know in my heart that my husband’s purpose on earth was fulfilled when God called him “home”.

Even though my life was suddenly changed, I know God has a purpose and a plan for me too.

He created me to fulfill that purpose and has left me here on earth to do that, but I must desire His plan for “my” life now.

My physical address and location may have changed, but I will never forget the time we lived in Tennessee. I will continue to go back and visit this special place, and in my heart, I will always consider it my “home” until He calls me to my final “home” with Him!

Lord God, I know things will never be the same again, and I will never be able to go back to the way they were. I admit this, Lord. I ask You to help me to move forward with excitement and a purpose, seeking to fulfill Your plan for my life. Amen.