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But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…
Matthew 5:44 ESV

What percentage of widows have a good relationship with the in-laws?

In my experience loving on and learning from grieving widows, it seems there are basically two answers – either they continue a decent relationship with the in-laws OR they rarely have any interaction with the in-laws after loss.

What has been your experience?

Many widows struggle with relationships after the loss of their husbands. Some struggle with the step-children or the siblings. My conclusion is that death brings out the best and worst in people. I could tell you stories of rejection and manipulation by the late husband’s family, but I can also tell you about the families who have jumped in with both feet to walk alongside the grieving widow. If you are on the side of the rejection by the family, let me encourage you today.

How do we love those who don’t have love for us?

I have prayed many times over the years to restore certain relationships in my life after the loss of my husband. As of today, God has not answered that prayer in an obvious way – I have virtually no contact with the family. Some of my children have been able to remain in touch, but I have always encountered barriers. I have concluded if God wants them in my life, He will have to bring them to me.

Has that settled my emotions once and for all?

Not really. Rejection still rears its ugly head now and then! Like the other day. One of my children got a birthday card in the mail.

Why did that bother me so much? I mulled over the nagging pain in my heart until I decided what it was–REJECTION.

I never get a card from this relative on MY birthday. All of my kids get cards, and I am skipped.

So that was it. Rejection. I had named it.

I dug deeper into this newly uncovered emotion of rejection.

Verses came fast and furious to my mind.

Isaiah 53:3 ESV He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;

So Jesus knew rejection. Okay, got it. He understands. So what?

Matthew 5:44 ESV But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…

Well, it isn’t persecution like prison camp, but I think the principle to pray for them might still apply.

Philippians 2:5 NIV In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Romans 8:17 NIV …we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

So what do I do with this rejection I feel from family members? I have decided to accept it as sharing in the suffering of Christ. This rejection is allowing me to share more in His glory. It draws me closer to Christ as I am reminded of what He endured for me.

He was rejected by His closest disciples in His most desperate time of need. His brothers turned their backs until after the resurrection, when James became an integral part of the early church.

More verses that I uncovered – click to read.

2 Corinthians 1:5-6     1 Peter 2 :4-5

I want to be over and done with these feelings of rejection. Honestly, it allows people to have control over me. It is like they have a chain around my heart and can tug it whenever. I am breaking that chain today. I declare myself “chain free”!

Do you need to break the chains binding you to a feeling that someone’s words or actions have over you?

• Dig into Scripture
• How did Christ deal with the feeling?
• How should I deal with it?

Often others don’t even intend on inflicting hurt on you. They are dealing with their own grief in a way that may not be healthy, or they may need help you can’t give. But you can PRAY. Pray that your heart is full of compassion towards the hurting family members. Ask God to show you if you have done anything to hurt them, that He will reveal it to you.

It hurts to be rejected by family members. So let’s take that hurt and turn it into prayers of blessing.

Father in Heaven, thank You for knowing the emotions we deal with. Your Son felt rejection from those closest to Him. Help me break the emotional chains trapping me today from other people’s actions that I cannot control. I lay those at Your feet. Amen