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“Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: He that followeth Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”
John 8:12 (NIV)

Years ago, my husband Steve and I had just purchased our land. We weren’t looking for land really but had the opportunity to buy it. Little did we know, just months later we would lose our home in the Texas wildfires in 2011. The land we had recently purchased would become the place of our new home.

God knew our need way before we did.

The land was beautiful, and we were amazed and thankful that we were the new owners. After going to town to eat dinner one night, we stopped by the land on our way home. The moon was full and the shadows of the trees from the moonlight were just amazing. I had never seen how bright the moonlight could be in the darkness.

Having purchased a ‘dune buggy’ to ride around on the land, we decided to go to the back of the property to look off the cliff there.

As we started back from the farthest corner of the land, the dune buggy sputtered and died — OUT OF GAS.

“What do we do?” I asked Steve. “Well, we walk back,” he told me.

Uh oh, those cute little sandals I had on were going to be a problem. As he walked at a brisk pace, I stumbled thinking of all the dirt I was collecting between my toes.

That’s when I heard the first coyote howl. I stopped in my tracks and asked, “What happens if they come after us?”

Steve told me, “Well, all I have to be is faster than you.”

Not thinking he was funny at all, instantly, I was paralyzed by fear.

I didn’t take another step…until he reached out, took my hand and led me back to the truck.

Afraid of the dark.

On the day your husband left this earth, did it seem to you that the lights went out in your world and darkness settled in?

That night with Steve walking on the land, as he took my hand, my heart calmed instantly. As a little girl, I remember the feel of my daddy’s hand in mine when I was afraid — the fear leaving my child’s heart as I believed my father could fix it all.

The darkness of grief and sorrow

If we could describe our grief by using a color, what would we choose? The darkness seemed to settle in around us, and we have fought hard to find our light again.

There was a lyric in a song my sweet granddaughter sent to me recently that got my attention.

“Don’t let this darkness fool you …all lights turned off can be turned on again.”

(“Call Your Mom” – Noah Kahan, Lizzy McAlpine)

The light of Jesus has dawned.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
John 1:5 (NIV)

How do we see the Lord?

I close my eyes, and I see the hand of the Lord reaching down to me. As my eyes see His, I must make the choice to reach out and take His hand — to trust Him in my darkness. It takes a conscious act of my will to KEEP my hand in His. Like the child who struggles to be independent, to pull their hand out of the one leading them, I sometimes become like that child.

“You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.”
Psalm 18:28 (NIV)

Reflecting His light.

“There are two ways of spreading light:

to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” (Edith Wharton)

We must be walking in His light to be able to reflect that light.

How will God use us in this season to reflect His light?

I have prayed about this question, searching for an answer as my life has so changed.

We are His living proof that “all lights turned off can be turned on again.”

Only through Jesus.

“The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
a light has dawned.”
Isaiah 9:2 (NIV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the husbands You placed in our lives — wonderful chapters in our stories. We thank You, Lord Jesus, that You will not leave us in the darkness of our grief. Help us to grasp Your hand tightly and be a reflection of the light of Your Hope. Amen