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See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.
Isaiah 49:16

Who am I?

In just an instant we transition from being a wife to being a widow…Our whole world is changed, we also feel like we don’t know who we are anymore. I was a wife, a helpmate, a best friend, a lover, a business partner, a traveling companion, a co-parent, and so many other roles. Now I am alone. I am no longer a wife; I no longer have those roles. If I dwell on what was, I get overwhelmed with sadness and filled with anxiety. What now? Who am I?

The key to our peace is remembering whose we are…

Walking this journey, I am amazed at the sheer magnitude of the pain…and at the same time continually humbled by God’s tenderness and love that carries me through the pain. His word tells us that He will never leave us nor forsake us, but nothing is more reassuring than when we see or feel His presence in our lives. I struggle with truly accepting that He loves me — deeply, personally and always. I am tempted to think somehow I can “earn” His love by being good. His word tells me differently, but still my heart struggles to accept His love, His truth.

Today, I would like to share a personal example of how He showed me His presence and His love in a way that has forever changed my perception of who I am to Him.

I was going through some difficult days a few months after my husband’s death. My attitude was definitely not pleasing to Him or anyone else around me. And trust me – that’s putting it mildly. I was actually leading a Bible study group one evening during that time, when the teacher on the study DVD made the point that God speaks to us every day through our daily reading of His word.

With my not so wonderful attitude I started arguing with God (in my head, fortunately not out loud), Well that’s not true, because I read your Word today and You had nothing for me. Where are You when I need you so desperately? I had been reading in Exodus (the description of the tabernacle) and I wasn’t hearing anything. My mind heard just a whole lot of details about His dwelling place. Blah, Blah, Blah. (I warned you, my attitude was not good.)

He answers our cries!

The next day I received an email devotional that talked about the importance of names. I began thinking about my new grandson’s name and what it meant. I went to the internet, researching other names. And from there I started wondering what my name meant. Fifty years old and I had no idea what my name meant. Over the years, I wished many times that I had a nice Biblical name like Grace or Sarah. But nope, my name is Sheryl and I even have to deal with a name that everyone wants to spell with a C. Nothing special about me or my name.

Little did I know that God had prepared this moment for me to discover how truly special I am to Him through my very special name.

In my research I quickly discovered that my name is derived from two words, the first a French word “Cherie” which means cherished or beloved and the second part of my name is derived from Beryl, a precious gemstone found in the foundation of the tabernacle. Funny, that was what I had been reading about the day before when I was reading in Exodus. God had been speaking to me, I just missed it.

A few days later I was reading in Revelation and there it was again, Beryl the gemstone in the foundation of the city walls in Heaven. And slowly but surely it started to seep into my heart in a whole new way, how truly precious I am to Him.

I am His beloved; I am a gemstone in the foundation of the city walls of Heaven.

His timing was perfect; He saved that gift for me until I was 50, a recent widow, and just when I needed Him most.

We are His!

My dear sisters, I don’t know exactly in what way He will show you during this journey how much He loves you but I know He will. And His timing will be perfect, just when you need it most. “For our names are engraved on His palms, our walls are before Him.”

We are precious

We are loved

We are His.

Our peace comes from knowing not who we are but by knowing whose we are…

Dear Heavenly Father, we come before You with confidence and we thank You for loving us more than we can possibly comprehend. Our hearts are broken, we are weary, but we are loved and we are Yours! Father please let us feel Your presence in our lives today, and please let the truth that we are so loved that our names are engraved on the palms of Your hands seep into our hearts in a new and deeper way. In Your Son’s precious and holy name, Amen.