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I picked up the lose snapshot from a tub of miscellaneous items in the garage. We have packed, unpacked, and sorted so many tubs over the past seven years, but this one was just more little pieces that need a home somewhere. I have to pick up each item and decide: throw away, keep, put in the house somewhere. And it just gets overwhelming sometimes.

I stared at the snapshot, frozen in my steps. It has been seven years since my husband passed away. Why did this little piece of history make my throat swell and the tears fill my eyes? I couldn’t explain it.

I glanced at the back of it to see a date. And then it hit me. This was prior to the bottom falling out of our marriage. I looked so happy. That smile was so radiant. But when I looked at his face I suddenly felt a new bitterness overtake my heart.

Lord, haven’t I dealt with all this before? Why is it popping up right now? Hadn’t I just posted an article about all the blessings I have seen God do through the storms of life? And we ended well, so why do these feelings surface?

I am newly married now, but these bitter feelings HAVE to be dealt with. I cannot take that matching baggage of bitterness, anger, and hurt with me into a new relationship – it is not healthy.

So how does one actually deal with those things so they don’t follow us through life, in all the new twists and turns?

I have been reading different devotionals about Ruth and Naomi recently and found this quote:

Naomi was bitter against God when Elimelech was largely responsible for her situation. Are you at all bitter against God for something that someone else did?

Nodding my head in agreement, I sat there reading again the familiar passage in the Old Testament book of Ruth. You can read the story through the link.

When my husband passed away, I had six sets of little eyes looking at me to lead them. I am positive I did not deal with MY grief as well as I should have because I didn’t have time to deal with my own – I had their grief plus all the daily ins and outs to keep functioning. I was definitely bitter at God and some family members.

So now I need to peel back some more layers of the grieving process. Again.

The latest layer of grief seems to point at forgiveness. It often comes up in my Bible reading and my dealings with grief. “Who do You want me to forgive?” I asked God again that day, gazing at the snapshot.

At that moment, several faces came to my mind. Family members who have walked away from us. I immediately knew I still held resentment and bitterness towards them. Even many years later. And even forgiving my late husband again.

Am I able to talk about them without a grumbly voice or a snarl in my tone? Some days but not always. But as I pray for them daily, I believe over time, God will work in my heart to extend forgiveness, even when they haven’t asked for it.

Do you have layers to your grief? Perhaps several years have gone by, and you have some issues in your grief you haven’t dealt with. Our grief doesn’t just get dealt with once or twice. Grief has so many layers, and some of those layers might even repeat themselves. Grief is funny that way.

If you haven’t taken the time to read the book of Ruth lately, try to do it in one sitting. Read it like a story from start to end, looking for the layers of grief Ruth and Naomi dealt with. See if you notice any similarities between your grief journey and theirs.

And forgive. When we forgive, we see a level of God’s character and HIS forgiveness toward us that we might miss otherwise. I struggle with forgiveness sometimes – I want to hold onto the hurt, caress it, keep it like a pet! But the Holy Spirit gives us the ability to forgive – it certainly isn’t human nature.

Father God, thank You for our lives, past, present, and future. We loved our late husbands and the lives we lived together. Help us as we deal with the many layers of grief we experience. Some of the layers are more difficult to deal with than others so we ask for Your strength as we face them head-on. Amen