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When my alarm wakes me up in the morning, it plays a random Don Williams song. I love Don Williams. Ryan introduced me to him when we started dating. His songs are mostly ballads that reduce my stress, put a smile on my face, and make me want to two-step.

Our song, the song we danced to at our wedding, was Don Williams “I Believe in You.”

It has become even more special in the years since Ryan’s passing.

Ryan had been in the hospital for six days when we began to suspect he wasn’t going to make it home.

I had been awake most of the night, praying, crying, and dozing. I was staying in our RV parked near the hospital. When the sun came up, I was napping on the cramped little loveseat, and the alarm went off on my phone.

It was playing, “I believe in You.”

I hit snooze and dozed for a few minutes longer. When it went off the second time, it was “I believe in You” again. I hit snooze again, thinking what a strange coincidence that it would play twice in a row. There are about 50 Don Williams songs for it to choose from. When the alarm sounded again, it played “I believe in You” for a third time. This time, I let it play.

I remember thinking, “What are the chances of that?”

1 in 2500, it turns out – or a .04% chance. I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. I also believe He manages even the smallest details of our everyday lives – if we let Him.

Ryan’s body gave out less than 48 hours later, and he went to Heaven.

And my family and I began to grieve.

The book of Lamentations is proof that God knows we need to grieve.

We need to process the emotions of devastation that we feel. And Lamentations holds nothing back.

Scholars agree that Jeremiah, “the Weeping Prophet,” wrote Lamentations. Misery filled his entire life. He witnessed the destruction of Jerusalem and the Babylonian invasion that carried the people of Judea into exile.

Up to this point, this was the most traumatic event in Israel’s history.

Jeremiah pours out his raw emotion and grief to the Lord over the destruction of Jerusalem and his bewilderment at the Lord allowing this to happen.

And yet, in the middle of this grief-filled poetry, Jeremiah pens these lines,

“But this I call to mind, therefore I have hope. It is because of the Lord’s lovingkindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:21-23 (AMP)

The AMP version uses the word lovingkindness to describe the way God actively and tenderly cares for us in our grief. Other versions will say His “loyal love,” or “steadfast love.” However, the Hebrew word, when referring to the Lord, is often connected to His covenant loyalty.

This means that we are not consumed by grief because of God’s kindness to us. But this kindness is born out of a fierce love based on His covenant with us.

This is the covenant we enter into when we accept His son Jesus as our personal savior.

Therefore, our grief will not consume us because God passionately loves us and shows us His love in tangible ways.

What does all of this have to do with my alarm clock?

To this day, “I Believe in You” will play my morning alarm only on days that are going to be hard. Most recently, it played two days after our anniversary. I was going to a funeral, but I was going with my mother for a friend of hers. I wasn’t really worried about it – until I realized that Ryan and I were married in the same church where the funeral would be held.

However, God’s lovingkindness meant I was not consumed by grief.

It was still hard to be in that church so soon after our anniversary, without Ryan. But I had a sweet memory from that morning to hold onto while I walked through it, with Jesus by my side.

I think of that day in the RV often. Was God letting Ryan say goodbye to me? Maybe He was using Ryan’s spirit to comfort me? Or the Holy Spirit knew that song would remind me that I am loved.

I don’t have to know why it plays, but I know it’s not a coincidence. I’m just grateful, because it is one of the thousands of ways God showers me with lovingkindness so that my grief does not consume me.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for Your daily lovingkindness. Remind us of Your constant presence and everlasting faithfulness. Show us your love in tangible ways and remind us that You will not let our grief consume us.