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…falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.
Acts 7:60 (ESV)

“It’s my husband they were at odds with,” I complained to my dear friend, an experienced Christian widow, as we decorated my Christmas tree. “Why be cross with me?”

“Oh, sweetie,” she said, dangling an ornament by its delicate hook. “Widows are like hooks to other people. We connect them emotionally to the person they lost. Whatever issues they had hooked on our husbands can no longer be solved with him in the material world. Sometimes they look to us for that.”

I thought about her words as a pretty angel ornament looked up at me from the palm of my hand.

Its hook was missing.

Not like the other ornaments’. Their hooks had them showing their glory on the tree for everyone to see.

So, I thought. If we are the hooks, then I can imagine all the people in Tom’s life like those ornaments on the tree. If they had peace with Tom at the end of his life, they now project the loving fondness they had for Tom on me. Like beautiful ornaments brightening my life.

But those that hadn’t resolved something with Tom aren’t at peace.

I scrambled through the ornament box for hooks or wires and finally laid the ornament on the table. I almost imagined that piece feeling lost and uncertain there.

My heart filled with compassion for those “ornaments without hooks” who were offending me. They loved him dearly. Each had their own stories with him. They had struggles he willingly endured because he loved them, encouraged them, and hoped that time would bring healing between them.

But time wasn’t given.

In the wake of his death, these precious loved ones had double the scars—the loss of Tom and the loss of any opportunity for closure other than in their hearts. Tom was no longer available to work through whatever needed to be worked through.

And for a while, it seemed whatever couldn’t be worked out with him was taken up with me. Sometimes the widow becomes the physical representation of the loss, and therefore, a target.

Are you struggling with misplaced hostilities during the holidays? It’s not easy when you are already struggling to get through the season with grief. How do you handle it?

The answer is simple: Forgive.

Jesus tells us to forgive your brother seventy times seven times. He forgave his attackers as He was dying on the cross. And if you think He gave Himself as He spoke forgiving words only as an ideal example, think again. Stephen, in the early church, was as human as you or I. And as he was being stoned to death, his last words held compassion for his attackers.

“…falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ And when he had said this, he fell asleep.”
(Acts 7:6 ESV)

Ask the loved ones around you to remember the tough walk you are on during this season. Then take extra compassion and care when it comes to dealing with their behaviors.

Forgive and maintain healthy boundaries with those who no longer have your husband to hook their troubles on- pray for the ornament without a hook.

Lord Father, please remind my dear sisters on this widow journey that when You say Peace to All Men– you meant to all widows as well. Give her Your love and confidence so that she can understand the grief in those around her who may not be on their best behaviors.