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For your Maker is your husband- the Lord Almighty is His Name- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth.
(Isaiah 54:5 ESV)

My late husband, Billy, the love of my life, lost his courageous three- year battle with ALS on March 7, 2014.

In the midst of the terrible, frightening losses he experienced as the disease progressed, and the accompanying grief and uncertainty, we encountered God in ways we never had before. We had a richer sense of His presence and His carrying us through.

My fear was if God would still be there for just me?

Fearing the loss of my husband for much of our married life, it was now a reality. I needed God more than ever!

With much difficulty reading the Bible, as concentration had become an issue. I chose to meditate on a scripture I was familiar with, which described the Lord as a husband. I read it over and over. That first summer after Billy’s passing, I was visiting my sister in Florida. On my way home, I stopped at a beautiful house of prayer where I received personal ministry. The pastor graciously listened for almost 2 hours and prayed with me, sharing Isaiah 54:5 as a scripture to meditate on. This confirmed what I had felt led to do.

As I proceeded on my return trip, I suddenly realized I did not want to go home to an empty house. I just decided to head west, with no plan in mind! When I hit Alabama, my love of history prompted me to visit a few sites associated with the Civil Rights Movement. One of the museums contained a large pulpit Bible under glass, which had been used by the Rev. Martin Luther King. As I looked down at the open pages, my eyes fell upon the very familiar Isaiah 54:5! God was speaking to me!

I continued to drive on this trip as far as the Mississippi River, just stopping where I felt led. I visited the impressive football stadium at Ole Miss, and even got to walk out on the field!

As a big fan of the Mitford Series of books by Jan Karon, I remembered that her Father Tim had grown up in Holly Springs, MS, and I stopped by that sleepy little town to have a look.

I began the trip home to New York, making a stop in Blowing Rock, NC . This is a town where Ms. Karon had lived and had described as a “peaceful village not unlike Mitford”.

I would never have envisioned doing something of this magnitude by myself!

I had been very dependent on my husband and fearful of staying in hotels alone. But though I was physically alone on this adventure, I never felt alone. I felt as if someone was sitting right beside me in the car, leading me, telling me where to go next. It was bittersweet, and, yes, I did feel momentary sadness at times, but felt compelled to keep going. This past summer it struck me that this was the exact kind of vacation I would have taken with my husband!

Indeed, former trips with our family had included stops at famous football stadiums, historical sites, and cities and towns that had been homes of well known individuals in books we had read. I felt overcome with the realization, that my Maker, my Husband, had taken me on this journey!

What God showed me through this experience was that He is truly always with me and that I would be okay, able to live on my own.

It would be a new and different walk, with someone far greater than the beloved and wonderful helpmate He had gifted me with for almost forty years. Five years down this road, I can truly say the Lord has proved to me and continues to show me through every challenge that He truly is my Husband- the Lord Almighty is His Name!

Thank You, Lord, that You are faithful to Your promises-Your heart is for the widow, and You will never leave us or forsake us, and You love us deeply. You are good, Lord, and You can be trusted! Amen