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Grief doesn’t go away completely

Today one of my friends called me for input on how to minister to some recent widows in her life . Her empathy and compassion for these widows is so breathtakingly beautiful, you can’t help but see her heart for loving them during this part of the journey as such an incredible gift of love, only made possible by the Holy Spirit. But I could hear in her voice that it was taking a toil on her. “I just need to know” she asked, “will they ever really have joy and a full happy life again?”. I answered as best I could, from the deepest recesses of my heart, “Yes and No.”

As the conversation continued, I went on to explain further. Although the initial pain of the grief will become less all-consuming with time and healing, there will always be a part of them that still grieves the loss of just being with their spouse. Nothing can ever replace the memories that they shared, the dreams that they had they will never come to fruition, the millions of other little things that they alone shared, and the list goes on. As husband and wife, God wove them together into one flesh. A bond that is a mystery of His creation. That bond of marriage has been forever broken.

Our expectation is to have a “happily ever after”

But the story doesn’t end there, I told her. God still has a purpose for their lives. And as they continue to live out that purpose they will feel deep joy as they dwell in God’s presence. As widows, they will have moments of happiness – time spent with friends/loved ones, basking in the beauty of nature, and so many other things. But my friend’s voice broke as she said, “but I just want them to have a FULL happy life”. It reminded me how deeply impeded the expectation is that we will all live happily ever after. Our expectation of “happily ever after” may never be fulfilled the way we imagined it.

A few hours later the Holy Spirit gently brought to mind the words to a hymn that I didn’t even remember that I knew.

My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace,

Not even blessing, but Himself, my God;

‘Tis His to lead me there – not mine, but His

At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.

“My goal is God Himself ” Hymn by Frances Brook, 1895

Grief is devastating – but all is not lost

While our “happily ever after” may not be what we pictured, all is not lost. Quite the contrary. During our journey, God continues to reveal Himself and lead us to a deeper relationship with Him. It may start with recognizing that He has put joy in our hearts, restored our ability to laugh again or blessed us in countless other ways. Eventually though, He will take us to a deeper place where we finally recognize, He is our great reward. He is our everything!

My goal is God Himself

Step by step God will lead us to draw closer to Him. He will be faithful in completing the work He began in us. (Philippians 1:6 NIV) Our hearts will be guided to a place that will be reminiscent of Apostle Paul’s words,

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Philippians 3:10-11 NIV

Dear Heavenly Father, we are so grateful for who You are. You and You alone, are our great reward. We praise You, Lord! Please make our paths straight and lead us to the place where You are our everything! Help us to live the resurrected life, glorifying You in all we do and who we are in You. Amen.