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Indelible and Impactful Dates

Certain dates leave an indelible mark on our hearts and lives. One of my most cherished was 18 years ago, on September 16, 2006. The day we were getting married. I woke up bright and early to a world that seemed to glow with a rosy hue and my heart nearly bursting with love, excitement, and anticipation for a bright and beautiful future.

So many hopes, plans, and dreams of building our marriage, raising our family, and growing old together.

Fast forward 15 years to September 16, 2021. On that milestone, we “celebrated” our 15th and final anniversary together on this side of heaven. He laid in his hospital bed, a machine forcing air into his lungs, his body unable to breathe on its own. As I sat beside him holding his hand, I felt a few precious “finger hugs”—intentional little squeezes that let me know some small part of him was aware. Those squeezes were rare, so feeling them on our anniversary was a cherished treasure. It was the last and most precious anniversary gift I ever received from him.

It amazes me how circumstances can shift our perspective and remind us of what truly matters in life. I never knew a “finger hug” was so valuable until that was literally all he was able to give. Oh, how my heart treasured those sweet little squeezes.

Now, 18 years later, I’ve “celebrated” three anniversaries without him. Each one has been different, each one hard, each one full of beautiful memories. Bittersweet, knowing no more memories can be made with him, but also comforting to know that even the best parts of our marriage pale in comparison to the beauty he now experiences.

Hard dates and God’s Sovereignty

August through October are full of marker dates and milestones for our family—dates that have left an indelible mark on our hearts. But as I look at these hard dates, I am also reminded of our Father’s tenderness and sovereignty.

“He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all the faces;”
Isaiah 25:8 (NIV)

In mid-August 2021, both Norm and I contracted the Delta variant of COVID-19. The political maelstrom surrounding COVID added an additional layer of difficulty to an already challenging situation. Opinions were shared loudly and proudly—some based on assumptions, others on the best medical and scientific understanding available at the time. We did our best with the information we had, and while I recovered, Norm got worse.

On August 26, it became clear we could no longer manage his symptoms at home, so he was transported to a hospital in The Woodlands. On September 1, he was moved to the ICU, and by September 4, he took the decision off my shoulders and made the choice to be placed on a ventilator in hopes that it would give his body a chance to rest and heal. And that was the day my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.

• That was the day I experienced a depth of heart-wrenching, life altering, soul-piercing pain I never even knew existed.
• That was the day I sobbed and wailed until I had no tears or energy left.
• That was the day I walked out of that hospital feeling utterly broken and walked into the arms of those waiting for me, their tears mingling with mine, and their prayers covering me.

For 38 days, we rode a rollercoaster of hope and disappointments—improvements and setbacks, healing and hurting—until we reached the final marker date and milestone on October 7, when Norm received his ultimate healing. No more pain, discomfort, or difficulty breathing for him. But for us, the heartache was just beginning. That was the day our walk through the valley began. And while the intensity of that grief has lessened over the past three years and I no longer cry every day, not a day goes by without an awareness of our loss or the impact of his absence.

Valley-Walkers

To my fellow valley-walkers, my heart and prayers are with you. I share my story, marker dates and milestones because I know that so many of you have very similar ones and I wanted to acknowledge you. COVID-19 affected so many families and even if you didn’t lose your spouse, most everyone has lost someone to it. So right now maybe you are reliving hard memories of marker dates and milestones. Or maybe life’s current circumstances have you walking through the valley. Whichever the case, you are seen, loved, and prayed for. You are not walking this valley alone.

We walk with you, but more importantly, Jesus walks with you. Rest in Him as He carries you close to His heart.

“He tends His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart;”
Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

And please remember that you won’t always be this shattered, this broken, or this crushed. It won’t always be this hard, this devastating, nor the pain this heart-wrenching.

He is our Redeemer and Restorer, our Sustainer, Healer, and the lifter of our heads and hearts.

Heavenly Father, we are so grateful You are with us as we walk through the valley. You do not forsake or abandon us and Your love never fails. Help us face our marker dates and milestones with courage and hope, fully trusting that You will help us get through each one. In Jesus’ name, Amen