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It takes determination; this new life as a widow.

I am determined to still have a beautiful life, even if it is not the one I had initially dreamed. It doesn’t always mean the tears stop falling, and it definitely doesn’t lessen the missing of my husband; but it does keep me moving forward.

I have found that since becoming a widow, I don’t really want to do much outside of the home. Sometimes, for the freshly widowed, it takes a lot of energy just to be in public, doesn’t it? In these past months, I have forced myself to do two things; two different, intentional steps under the same umbrella of walking out that front door and getting back into the world.

First, I accepted a lunch invitation from a friend-of-a-friend who happens to also be a widow. Several scheduling conflicts tried to cause a cancellation, but we were both determined and chose to be flexible. It was lovely. She is a beautiful, godly woman and spending time with her blessed me.

Second, I sought out a single NBA playoff ticket. Tim and I loved Thunder basketball. We thoroughly enjoyed our season tickets and once we surrendered those because he was too weak to attend, we would watch every game at home (or in the hospital) snuggled together in our pajamas. I have decided that I don’t have to stop doing the things I enjoy just because I am a “party of one” now. I called one of my husband’s best friends and asked to purchase one of his extra seats. When he realized I was going alone, he gave me two tickets to take a girlfriend with me. I had determined in my heart to continue doing what I love, and God met me and blessed my effort (spoiling me and allowing me a girl’s night out).

The comment has been made that I still have a lot of life left ahead of me and Tim would expect me to keep living. Those words have echoed through my head and heart over these past few months. New seasons can be gradual transitions. While there are some areas of our lives that we cannot quite see ourselves “moving on” in yet (if ever), there are other areas where we are ready to experience growth and newness.

Sometimes change comes with great anticipation and excitement.

Sometimes it comes with forethought and slight trepidation.

Sometimes it is forced on us unwillingly. Such is the case with widowhood. We may not have chosen to enter this difficult season, but we do have a choice what we do in it and where we go from here. We can purpose to view this season as a doorway.

I am determined to walk through it clinging to God for His strength and guidance. I choose to face the future He has for me with joy.

For me, my new season is revealing itself slowly as I evaluate what a “beautiful life” means to me now. Recently it involved stepping out of my comfort zone and making bold choices to get myself out of the house. This month, I am exploring things that truly bring me joy and am arranging my lifestyle to include them. I am determined to look with hope towards my future.

How are you purposing in your heart to walk boldly through this season’s doorway and intentionally into your next one?

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.”
Isaiah 40:31a