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Down the aisle I went wearing my mother’s wedding dress and a Juliet cap, long hair resting on my back and eyes riveted on the one I loved at the altar. A new reality—marriage–began in that sacred service and, in time, we welcomed three children, moved from place to place, and loved one another. Our marriage brought some welcome and unwelcome changes en route. God directed us, and my husband’s strength, humor, and know-how were comforting. He was a great provider but a total family man, committed to me and our children. He took great care of us and attended to computers, electronics, and other house repair needs that arose. He also brought a complementing perspective to our family decisions.

Facing difficulties now without my husband, makes life far more puzzling. Now I think, How would my husband approach this problem? What counsel would he offer? Absent of his loving perspective on matters concerning our lives, his knowledge and wisdom, it feels as if I am putting together a puzzle with half of the needed pieces.

Thankfully God knows how woefully inadequate I feel at times and how acutely I miss all the pieces my husband provided to our shared life. I am grateful that Christ knows all my limitations and is diligent in His love and desire to guide me in the many adjustments required.

What I have learned is that our God is a realist… because without exception He sees what is real. Based on that, as I face the truth of a situation, whatever it is, however unwanted, Christ who is the Truth will help. My part is being honest about my real feelings, thoughts, circumstances… and He has the means to bring things together like pieces of a great puzzle.

Five ways to simplify the puzzle:

1. Avoid the complications which arise when we attempt to go over, around, or under the sorrow and the many changes which follow becoming widowed.
2. Acknowledge to God situations as they exist. From that realism, Christ’s strength offers surprising sufficiency over what seems beyond facing—what we never wanted nor want.
3. Realize that God helps us function in ways we never see but which would amaze.
4. The testing of our faith is the time when it roots and sprouts independent of circumstances, and yet that is the mystery and power of our Lord. Faith is vision beyond our circumstances: “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” – Heb. 11:1 (ESV) Faith stands confidently on the foundation of realism and God responds with grace to meet us, even in simple pleas or tears.
5. Remember only God knows what it is like to be in our shoes, or anyone else’s, and we all need bucket-loads of grace. No matter how close our experiences may be, our relationships were different and God alone can give us the next steps, or moving of the puzzle pieces.

Here are essential puzzle pieces for every day:

Hold to Hope and cultivate faith.

Neither of these run contrary to acknowledging what is real in our lives. We can acknowledge what is real, all the while knowing how great our God is and how able to work above and beyond what we ask or think. (Eph. 3:20)

Practice Grace.

There is nothing in all the world like God’s grace toward us, following His forgiveness, nor the empowerment He offers through His grace for our sufficiency. If perfection was possible, God’s grace wouldn’t have been needed but we need it from Him, from ourselves and both from and for others. We are all learning. (2 Corin. 12:9; Eph. 2:5)

Love

Our God is love and because He abides within us by His Spirit, we are a present to the world who do not know what they are missing. We love because we know God’s love. I believe a daily acknowledgment to God of His love is a way to worship, to be anchored into Him and what really counts in this world.

To commit all these thoughts into a prayer, please join me:

Loving Lord, my current life is different than I envisioned as I walked down the aisle to marry my husband. Thank You for the time we shared and help me in my life now to be a faith-filled realist. In Jesus Name. Amen