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While there are times that happiness just happens, the truth is: before happiness can be a feeling, it needs to be a choice. We can choose to focus on all the things that seem to keep happiness at bay or we can choose to be happy in spite of those things.

My counselor wrote those words on Facebook a few weeks ago and they struck me like a slap upside my head. Usually, John’s posts consist of pictures of his backyard visitors, his numerous beach excursions, or family milestones. But a few days earlier a young woman appeared on stage at America’s Got Talent and the world was moved by her tenacity and genuine resolve to what life had thrown at her. John’s post was editorial of her words:

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”

I have been struggling with being happy. Or maybe it’s more about being content. In addition to the loss of my husband, other life changes have been testing my contentment. Neither John nor Nightbirde’s words were spoken directly to me but I knew they were from the Lord to me.

I realized that my happiness and contentment teeter on my attitude toward the story God is writing in my life. I had to stop wallowing in my self-pity, fear, and “woe is me” attitude. Sure I wasn’t happy about being a widow at 55, heading toward retirement without my husband, becoming an orphan at 60, but there was nothing I could do about it except change my attitude about it.

Knowing that and doing it are two different things.

It’s hard as widows to choose to be happy because it means a deliberate choice to move forward with our life. And that feels like we are leaving our husbands behind. Somehow we tell ourselves that if we stay in our grief it keeps them closer. Friends, that’s a lie! We don’t have to be miserable to keep their memory alive. They will always be a part of us and we can take them with us into our contentment.

So how do we become content?

Do we pray real hard and one day we’ll wake up content? Well maybe. The Lord could certainly bless us that way I suppose. But look at what Paul said about contentment.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Philippians 4:12 (NIV)

Did you catch the word “learned”?

Paul said he learned the secret of contentment. The act of learning is to acquire knowledge through experience, study, or teaching. This was no overnight miracle. It was a process that took time. The secret is in verse 13, “I can do all things in Him who continually infuses me with strength” (literal rendering). Contentment starts with trusting God for our strength. We can’t do it alone! And God won’t do it alone either.

Did you catch the beginning of that verse…I can do all things? If we want to be content in our life circumstances, there are things we must do (in God’s strength).

I have spent a lot of time talking with God about my discontentment and I am learning a few things that have helped me on the road toward contentment.

First, we need to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) I am by nature, a negative thinker so I have had to work hard at this. I can think of the worst-case scenario and turn it into reality real quick. And when that happens anxiety takes over.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

Once again I am faced with a choice…let anxiety rule me or turn it over to God and let the peace of God reign.

The antidote to anxiety is prayer and thanksgiving but let’s nip it in the bud before it takes full bloom.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8 NIV

Like happiness and contentment, thinking about such things is a choice. I have had a lot of conversations with myself in my quest for contentment. I have had to stop choosing to look at the negative aspects of my life and remind myself of the positive things.

And when it gets really bad, yes, I kick Satan to the curb and tell him to get lost!

I haven’t conquered my discontentment totally but I am learning!

Father, infuse us with your strength daily by your Holy Spirit. May He guide us toward contentment as we set our minds on you and the truths of your Word.