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Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4 NIV

My father was 6’4″ in his prime. A colonel in the army, leader of several ministries after early retirement, and the biggest hands that used to wrap around my young hands as he would help me wash before dinners. As his physical abilities began to fade with age, and the replaced joints began to wear out, his worst fear of falling happened.

I found a video on my phone from one of his therapy sessions in the assisted living facility. He did not want to get out of his wheelchair – the pain was immense. But as the nurse kept urging him, and my young son and I kept cheering him on, he gave up over and over and over. He really had no interest in healing. He was ready for heaven.

In widowhood, we have the first few months of intensive care. We have a fresh wound and need the help of others just to keep breathing. My dad did too at first. The doctors wouldn’t let him out of bed – a certain amount of healing needed to take place first. Do you remember those early days of loss? They were similar to being in an ICU unit at the hospital. People were around us a lot, cleaning the house or bringing meals. We may not have been capable of doing these things on our own.

But then the doctors declared my father at a certain point where he needed to start building up the muscles again. For me, in widowhood, this was after the meals stopped coming and life needed to go on. I may have added one thing a day to get finished – a trip to the bank, a quick stop at the grocery store, or doing one load of laundry. I had to find whatever tools I could to help me heal. Counseling. Blogging. Praise music. Scripture reading. GriefShare.

The video of my father was much later than even this. He wasn’t relearning to use his muscles because he didn’t like the pain he had to work through. So he just stayed there at this point until he passed away.

There are some widows who get stuck here. Content living in the post-ICU “facility” we have created. No progress because it will hurt. No change because it will hurt. No healing because it will hurt.

It WILL hurt – no matter what you do. Loss is that way. Physical loss, emotional loss, relational loss.

So what will bring this comfort we are promised?

• Study God’s Word – return to the Book that holds directions for life. Begin reading the Psalms to see how the writers of old “journaled” their feelings about life, hurts, evil, and loss. Psalm 119:71 ESV It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.
• Look at Jesus – Jesus, who was fully God, suffered great relational losses. The Pharisees, who should have been the first to follow Him, despised him. Matthew 11:29 ESV Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly. in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
• Don’t allow circumstances to determine our contentment — learning to be content in whatever season we are in does not come naturally – it has to be learned. We have to exercise the muscle of gratitude to make this contentment a reality. Philippians 4:11 ESV Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.
• Look for another widow to emulate – there are widows out there further down the grief road than you. They are serving others and staying faithful to the faith. Titus 3:14 ESV And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful.

A Widow’s Might ministry is here for widows at all points along the journey. Our team has experienced the pain of the initial loss, and have come through by the strength God supplies. We want YOU to learn to live again – not be satisfied to stay stagnant when God promises comfort. We had to learn, just like many of you, how to live again. And we want even more for our readers!

Father God, guide us wherever we are on the grief journey–take the next breath or to begin exercising our “muscles” of contentment and prayer. And if we feel stuck, pull us from the darkness and into light. If there is something we need to be doing to help in the healing, help us follow through even in the pain. Amen