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Once, having been asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, “The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is within you.”
Luke 17:20-21

It has happened twice in my life. A pain so excruciating I could do nothing but pace in circles like a rabid animal. Once was a physical pain, the result of a serious side effect of a spinal tap. The second time, an emotional pain as the initial shock of my husband’s death started to subside and the reality of life without him started to sink in. I can remember pacing in circles for hours that night, a deeply embedded instinct to try and escape the pain. A pain, so horrific, I knew I would never survive.

And yet, I have survived. Not by my strength, but by His. He has captured every tear. More tears than I ever could have imagined. He has comforted me and provided for every need I have had, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The blessings are more numerous than I could have ever imagined. My greatest gift – I live in His presence. He is the great I AM and I am His kingdom.

Often, when our husband passes away, we wonder, now that I am not a wife, what is my purpose? We lose sight of the bigger picture, of why we were created. God created us in His image – for His glory. We are the body of Christ with Christ as the head. We were created to be the kingdom of God. And once we believe, we are the kingdom of God.

I have been immersed in the gospels lately and I have been reminded that far too often we forget the full implications of the Good News. We tend to think of the Good News as being the promise that when we die we will go to heaven if we believe. But what we have been given is so much more than that. Christ lives in us and we are, right here, right now, the kingdom of God.

When Christ was on Earth in the flesh, his ministry was to preach and to heal people. Everywhere He went, He transformed lives. He ushered in the kingdom of God. Now He is on Earth inside of us and we are His kingdom in action. We are His hands and feet as He continues to minister and to share the Good News. He does it through us. What a privilege, what an amazing purpose for our lives.

But what about the days we sit and sob all day? Or, the days we snap at everyone we know because we are so angry about the circumstances we find ourselves in? Or, what about the days when we pace in circles because of the horrific pain we are in?

He tells us in Romans 8:28 He is working all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Eight years have passed since the night I spent hours pacing in circles because of the pain. I have seen God’s faithfulness. He has drawn others to Him as He ministered to them through the kingdom of God – using my hands and feet.

I still have sad days. The physical presence of my husband by my side, is something I will always miss. Especially on the days that seem filled with chaos and uncertainty. But my joy is not dependent on circumstances, I have joy because I have certainty in who I am and who I belong to. We are the Kingdom of God.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Father, please comfort and encourage my sisters who are grieving. Lord help them be reminded that You created them for Your kingdom and that even now, You are working all things together for good for them. Lord please help each of us be Your light to other widows. We pray that they would see Your Goodness in our lives and that they would be ushered into Your kingdom by believing Your Son died and rose again. Father, may Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Please use us for Your Glory!

In Your Son’s Holy and Precious Name. Amen