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Experiencing the holidays yet again without my late husband Michael.

Watching our son do things for the first time and Michael not being here to experience them.

Fielding questions from a four-year-old on “why daddy went to heaven so early.”

Worrying I could lose my son, too … “normal food” could kill him because of his life-threatening food allergies and anaphylaxis.

Blending a family.

Stressing over my role and if I’m doing and saying the right things as a mom and step mom.

Selling and building a home.

Feeling anxious over everyday events – our children’s homework, sporting events, orchestra concerts, projects, and spending enough time with each of them, and … am I doing what I need to do as a wife?

I could go on, and I’m sure you could, too.

If I lived my life through circumstances, it would be a chaotic emotional rollercoaster with ups and downs, dips and turns, taking me to unknown places where I had no idea what awaited.

Weeks and even months can pass where I’m fairly even keeled, but then grief knocks me down as she likes to do, and my focus turns to my circumstances. There may be a day that I have a breakdown moment feeling paralyzed to continue stepping forward, asking, “why me?” This could be directly followed by a moment of gratitude, thanking the Lord for all He’s given me and the joy He has brought into my life after loss.

You see, if our daily lives and faith are dictated by circumstances, we can never be fully happy. We could be ecstatic one moment and down the next. We have to ground ourselves in God’s Word. Our hope has to lie in Jesus. He is the only way to true happiness and joy.

You could be thinking, “Sounds good, but I’m not sure that’s how it works.” I get it – This can be challenging for me too. At times, it can be extremely difficult to ignore the feelings that come with our circumstances to listen to the Lord and hear who we truly are in Christ. But He calls us to do just that.

This verse is what helped put my feet on the floor each morning those first days, weeks and months, and it’s still one of my favorites!

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us.”
Romans 8:18 (ESV)

Faith isn’t Jesus answering our prayers, doing what we want. It’s knowing that, even in the fire, when our husbands aren’t healed, financial worries consume us or our children are ill, the Lord is always working behind the scenes for His glory and our good, keeping His promises.

“But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.”
Psalm 5:11 (NIV)

“Blessed is she who believes that the Lord will fulfill His promises to her.”
Luke 1:45 (NIV)

God, It can be easy to put our focus on what is going wrong in our lives and not on You. Help us to find joy in YOUR SON, not in our earthly circumstances. Let us stay grounded in your promises and protect us from worry, anxiety and fear. Amen.