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Three and a half years after my husband’s passing, I was moved to tears while watching one of my favorite TV medical dramas. The cancer storyline hit too close to home. The tears were not unusual but the thoughts that accompanied them did catch me off guard.

My mind took me back to my husband’s stay in our local hospice facility. He entered The Gatehouse on a Tuesday and the Lord called him Home on Thursday. It all happened so fast. I began thinking of all the things I didn’t do, should have done, or would have done differently.

In short, I had regrets.

Maybe you can relate.

As quickly as I started to allow my regrets to fester, the Lord reminded me of the blessings during those three days. One came after an extremely pain-filled day for my husband requiring him to be sedated. I asked God to let me hear my husband say I love you one last time. The next morning as he awoke, he looked at me and said those three words I had prayed to hear. It would be the last time I would hear them. The memory of that blessing brought joy to my heart where there had been sadness.

Regrets are joy-stealers! They keep us looking back in sorrow, focusing on the unchangeable past and crippling us to live a joy-filled life.

So what do we do with our regrets?

First, we acknowledge them and accept that we can’t change what has already happened. We ponder them long enough to learn from them but never long enough to be defined by them. Paul didn’t forget his sins; he just refused to focus on them. Instead, he focused his energies on pursuing the call of God. (Phil 3:13-14)

Next, release them to God through confession and receive God’s forgiveness. (If necessary, extend that forgiveness to others you may have hurt) Choose to walk in freedom, trusting God to work all things together for good. (Galatians 5:1, Romans 8:28)

Last, begin to practice being thankful in all circumstances. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Easier said than done, I agree. But consider the Apostle Paul, languishing in a prison cell, beaten brutally, unjustly accused, and instead of complaining, his lips spoke praise and thanksgiving! He had learned the discipline of gratitude even amid great hardship.

Thanksgiving for the Apostle Paul was not a once-a-year celebration, but a daily reality that changed his life and made him a joyful person in every situation. (Billy Graham)

It’s sometimes hard to see our way to gratitude when we feel we have lost so much. It takes intentionality and practice. A blessing jar or gratitude journal helped me to focus on the blessings in my life.

Let me offer a few suggestions to help you navigate toward thankfulness and gratitude.

• Thank God for the material blessings…your home, car, job
• Thank God for the relational blessings…family, friends, neighbors, co-workers
• Thank God for the circumstantial blessings…the difficult times when we learn who God is, experience His love, and remember His promises.
• Thank God for the spiritual blessings…we serve a merciful God who does not give us what we deserve but continually lavishes us with His love. That love was shown in sending Jesus to die in our place. His death and resurrection enables us to know Him personally and spend eternity with Him in heaven. (2 Corinthians 9:15) That is reason enough to be thankful!

Father, help us to lay down our regrets at the foot of the cross, receiving Your forgiveness. Strengthen us to walk in freedom with a heart of gratitude and thanksgiving. Amen