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Most of my life I believed God was faithful through the bad times, the storms of life.

I believed in my head this was true, and I saw with my eyes, through others difficult circumstances, that it looked true. But, without my own severe storm, without that first-hand knowledge, I’m not sure now my heart truly believed it.

Then something terrible happened in our life, thrusting us into the deepest storm I’d ever known. When my head didn’t understand and my eyes could see nothing, I had only my heart left. That’s where God met me; broken, bewildered, blind, and on my knees pouring out my heart in a storm so severe, I wasn’t sure we could survive.

The day my beloved husband journeyed to heaven by taking his own life.

Death is a kind of storm that no one can ever be fully prepared for, and suicide takes it to a dimension of intensity not many understand.

• It can easily create destruction and devastation for all.
• It can turn everything you believed and everything you thought inside out and upside down.
• It can give Satan such a foothold, and it can thrust those left behind into such a shock there’s the potential for no return.

It can!

The “Suicide” Storm is brutal and it leaves a mess. This storm of death did just that for us. It left an ugly, scary mess, and far more questions than answers.

So, how have we survived?

What’s allowed us to move forward, to heal, and to even grow?

Who thwarted Satan’s plan of destruction?

God did!

Because of the Almighty Father, we moved from suicidal death being the "it can" storm of destruction, to the “God did” story of restoration.

My children and I are a walking breathing testimony to God’s faithfulness through a horrific storm! His faithfulness came in His provisions for us, His love and care over us, and His healing power through us. He revealed Himself to us in such a deeper more meaningful way, by showing us that His perfect plan was played out in every moment leading up to that day and every day after.

Death is never outside of God’s plan, even suicidal death!

He allows really bad stuff to happen. Not for our harm, but for our growth. That’s tough! And without deep faith and trust in Him it can be confusing and seem unfair, because our pain, sadness, and loss are so real, so raw.

But God doesn’t tell us life is fair or easy, that we won’t suffer or even die.

In fact, He warns us we will, so we better get prepared. Preparedness comes from knowing God intimately, hiding His words deep in our heart, and trusting that He is totally and completely in control during every single moment of every single day.

Then in the midst of any storm, it can becomes God did!

• It can be so tough, God did show us He’s stronger. Psalm 105:4
• It can be really sad, God did show us He understands deep sadness and He will be near the broken-hearted. Psalm 34:17
• It can be scary looking, God did show us He creates beauty. Ecclesiastes 3:11
• It can be overwhelming, God did show us with Him all things are possible. Matthew 19:26
• It can be long term, God did show us He has gone ahead to prepare for us. Deut. 31:8
• It can be a hard road, God did show us that He has us right where He wants us. Psalm 16:8
• It can be devastating, God did show us He will heal us and bind up our wounds. Psalm 147:3
• It can be ugly, God did show us that ugly stuff will grow us. 1 Peter 5:10
• It can be frustrating, God did show us that trusting Him is the only way. Proverbs 3:5
• It can be hopeless, God did show us hope is not found here, but in our eternal victory and sealed place in heaven with Him. Jeremiah 29:11

Father God, thank You for being so faithful to me in the midst of such a tragic, horrific storm. Thank You for Your promises strewn throughout Scripture. Lord, Your word has every answer I need. I pray now for my widow sisters, those who might be struggling with the it cans. Father, help them see Your fingerprints everywhere. Move them from the it can ugly stuff to the God did promises and assurances. In Your precious and matchless name, Amen.