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My husband’s clothes are still in the closet. The large portrait we used at the memorial service hangs on the wall. His cologne sits by the sink. I still wear my wedding ring. I have never even considered dating. My husband’s ashes are sitting on the shelf. It has been seven years since his death. Some people could look at these facts and say – poor girl, she is stuck in her grief.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I live in complete freedom. I am free to follow wherever my God leads. He has chosen to give me the gift of walking alongside others on this journey and see the beauty of His faithfulness. I am incredibly grateful for that blessing.

He has given me the freedom to surround myself with the things that bring joyful memories of the man I love who now lives with Him. I remember our time together with great fondness. Sometimes, for a few minutes I wish I could go back…until I remember how far God has brought me.

Do you feel stuck?

It’s not unusual for us to feel stuck. Grief is a L-O-N-G process. I think our expectations may be skewed because of all the TV we watch which always wraps things up neatly in the designated time slot. Life doesn’t work that way. Our feelings are messy. They last longer than we want.

I can remember early on in my grief process wishing I could just move through it as fast as I could while at the same time panicking that if I moved through it then I would have nothing left of my husband. I even went to my first counseling session with a full page checklist of all the things I was doing to “manage” my grief process well. To her credit, she didn’t laugh! There were times I thought I was stuck in my grief, until I spent some time dwelling on what I know to be true about God.

Can we ever really be stuck?

FEELING stuck is one thing. You begin to FEEL stuck when you don’t know how to move forward. But as a Christian we are not walking alone. Christ lives in us. We don’t have to know how to move forward, we walk with the one who always knows how to move us forward. He is sovereign. His word tells us in Philippians 1:6 ESV:

And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

He is in charge. I follow. He is not stuck, therefore I cannot be. What a relief it is to remember He is Lord of my life. I cannot fail. I am His. So if I am feeling stuck, it’s time to pray. God, why do I feel this way? There are many reasons we may seem to be in a holding pattern. Sometimes it can be because we need to allow God to heal us in a certain area. Or it could be just a place of rest. Maybe it’s because God is going to use it to minister to someone else. We may never understand the whys but that’s okay. We know the outcome. He completes the work He began in us.

What if our family or friends think we are stuck?

Unfortunately, sometimes family and friends think our grief is taking too long. I know because I used to think that people should be over their grief within a year. Other times, family/friends think they understand because they have lost someone close to them. Losing a loved one is always hard, losing a spouse is different. Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially you are connected closer to a spouse than to anyone else. Scripture tells us in Mark 10:8 and the two will become one flesh. There is no other relationship where you become one flesh. No one else is really equipped to tell you how or when to move through your grief. When well-meaning family and friends tell us they think we are stuck, we need to remember we can’t really be stuck because it is Christ who leads us. Give grace to those who are trying to help but just don’t understand.

Things to remember:

Even if today is another day where the tears never seem to end, you are not stuck.

If you are a Christian, you are walking in freedom with Christ.

You will not fail. He loves you. Give grace to those who are trying to help.