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Today we welcome our friend Michele Allen. You can read her story and then a little about her at the end.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they might have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10 (ESV)

…For He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5 (ESV)

I felt I had been robbed, robbed of growing old with the one I loved.

Even though I knew the truth, that Christ came to give us life, it still felt like a sucker punch regardless. Surely, the enemy has robbed me, robbed me of my footing, robbed me of my anchor.

In those times I cried out to God, “Lord, I’m lost! How am I going to live without him?”

Ronald had been such a stability for me, even though he battled mental illness and cancer. Simply knowing he was there made everything okay, whether he was sick or not.

I wasn’t sure of anything, but that’s when I sensed God whisper, “I am with you.” The Father was gently holding my broken heart.

But then came the question: “How shall I live?”

By grace. Oh, how I needed buckets full!

I can remember crying out in the hospital’s parking lot, “Lord, I don’t want to live without him, but if I have to, please help me do that.”

So, how are we meant to live? Full of grace, but often we flail, strive, and come up empty. Especially when our circumstances are in turmoil. Memory jolts awake with trauma’s electricity, As widows we know this all too well. The enemy uses our traumatic experiences to separate us from our identity and close our hearts off from grace. We shut the door to any notion of grace by reason of our loss.

So, how do we fully live when our lives are falling apart?

By not believing the lie: “God isn’t good. He doesn’t care about you.” We doubt God’s goodness. Or maybe His love, as if every promise from His Word is not enough. We desire more and that desire becomes a moan.

Moaning that God ripped away what we wanted. We believe He steals what is rightfully ours—happy home, marriage, children, unending bliss, and content days. What we have and who we are are not enough. We ask, “If God really loves me, then why—? Why does He withhold that which will fully nourish me? Why do I feel rejected, lonely? Doesn’t He want me to be happy?”

It’s a heartfelt question, one we ask out of hurt, but perhaps the better question is who. Who are You, Lord?

Are You Who You Say You Are? Mercifully, He meets us in our pain and shows us who He is. He fills us with merciful grace, with Himself, and reveals to us what our spirits truly long for—relationship, relationship with the one who truly loves us and promises to never leave us or forsake us.

Though we miss our husbands, we know we have a greater anchor to cling to, One who is always faithful and will see us through. One day we will be reunited in our Father’s kingdom. We were meant for eternity. Everything else is temporary.

Our completeness is in the God who loved us and gave Himself for us.

…It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galatians 2:20 (ESV)

Father, help us rest in your great love no matter our circumstances. May we find our fulfillment in your Person, the goal in all our seeking as we walk this road of widowhood. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.