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Today we are sharing excerpts from an article by team members Lori Reynolds Streller and Erika Graham. They help us answer the question, "How do I deal with the loss of the physical relationship in widowhood?" We trust we will give you a biblical answer to that difficult situation.

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And the two shall become one flesh…
Mark 10:8

We lost many aspects of our relationships when our husbands left. Rarely is the subject of physical touch addressed publicly amongst widows.

Why is this? It seems silly for us to dance around it as though it doesn’t exist; this loss of physical touch in our lives. God created us with favorable responses to positive touch. It is how we are made and it is an enormous portion of our loss.

We didn’t just lose the intimate touch of our lover, we lost the casual touch too; the arm around our shoulder as we walk side by side; the hand held during prayer; the welcome home hug at the end of each day.

They are all missing. And they are all missed.

Outsiders may think the admittance of missing even the most innocent of physical contact appears pathetic. People will judge. I don’t care. It is something that the widowed community faces and it needs to be openly discussed.

God is a husband to the widow and never leaves us alone. That is a truth I am thankful for; but sometimes knowing the “right answer” doesn’t curb my longing to simply have my hand held or to be embraced in a strong hug. I am called to this ministry of sharing how God is carrying me through my loss, but I am also simply a widow who misses the physical presence of her husband. I don’t have all the answers.

I also miss the warmth and unity experienced in the marital bed. I miss the ease and selflessness that happened so perfectly there. THE ONENESS. The warm welcoming body that lay beside me. The unison we experienced. The desire we had for one another. The deep intimacy and trust I felt in giving my entire body over to another. The care and love found there.

As Christians, in a world that has perverted and twisted sex, it’s hard to say these things. We are shamed into thinking that talking about sex is sinful. Sex is certainly not something the widowed or Christian community talks about openly or comfortably.

But God didn’t make sex “dirty”, man did. God created in us a desire towards one another. He defined that desire, in Genesis, to be a good thing within the confines of His creation of marriage. He tells us that in marriage we can experience the full glory of Him through our sexual intimacy. We can sacrificially give ourselves to another the way Christ gave Himself up for us. (Romans 5:22-32)

Yes, God ordains sex…when it’s under His authority and we obey Him.

But what happens when our husbands are gone?

My marital bed is now cold and harsh. I roll over to an empty space. I have no husband to hold me, to make me feel beautiful, to desire me, or to even warm my feet and hands up when they’re freezing!

As Christian widows we believe God is now our spiritual husband, but we are still human.. and we are all still alive!

I found these important truths in Scripture:

~ Scripture is clear that I’m no longer married and when I get to heaven I won’t be married again to my husband. Matthew 22:30, Romans 7:2, 1 Corinthians 7:39

~ Scripture is clear that if I lust after another man outside of marriage in my mind and heart, whether I act on it or not, it is sin. Matthew 5:28

And the two keys that apply to us now…

~ Scripture is clear that I am not to conform to this world. But, I am to transform my mind by renewing it with God’s Word and His will for me now. Romans 12:2

~ Scripture is clear I’m to seek to honor and obey God and allow the Holy Spirit to lead me in every area of my life. Romans 2:6-8

Allow God to rule our hearts, minds, and, yes, even our sexual desires.

Sisters, widowhood is tough stuff with lots of layers. Walking this journey is not for the faint of heart. It’s messy. It’s painful. It’s uncomfortable. It’s hard.

But God is so much bigger and He’s got even this deeply personal and tough topic. Take it before the Cross and watch Him grow you, help you, and convict you.

Father God, I am a woman with desires. Please help those desires to honor You still in every way. Block me from creating any idols in my mind and heart that would distract me from You. Show me where I have sinned. And protect me from those areas. I lay even my physical desires and memories before You now. You created us to be relational people. Show us ways we can cope with this loss. Amen.