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Surviving Holiday Haze….

That is how I characterize my entire holiday season as a first year widow. It was one of the more difficult things to encounter — this “lack” of holiday spirit on my part.

Frankly, my children and I did not care if we celebrated the holidays at all. Normal holiday joys felt dim, and even if they mattered we had no energy to devote to them.

I decided to be honest with myself and those around me concerning our thoughts.

Close friends and family knew how much Thanksgiving and Christmas meant to us before my husband died. Traditionally, we spent Thanksgiving each year with my husband’s family. After his grandmother passed, we hosted the holiday in our home each year and my parents sometimes joined us. Christmas was spent first with my family, then road trips to see both sides of his family before New Year’s Day.

By summer’s end that first year after loss, I realized I could not bear our normal holiday traditions without my husband there.

We needed something DIFFERENT.

Along with extended family from both sides, we all pitched in to rent a house in festive Branson, Missouri for the week of Thanksgiving, one that would accommodate twenty people. My younger children and I stayed the entire week, with my older children, family, and friends arriving as they could make it.

That Thanksgiving spent away was a balm for my soul.

Having our family together in a DIFFERENT setting was an important element of healing for me.

• There was laughter and there were tears, sometimes both at the same time.
• Quiet times spent with the Lord, and dance parties with my children.
• People who understood my pain with no expectations.
• Giving thanks for my blessings and crying with anguish for what we all had lost.

Next came anxiety about how to handle Christmas. Normally, I was “Mrs. Christmas” and could not wait to decorate; but I knew my limit had been reached. I announced to my close friends that I would not be decorating with a tree or lights.

My friends knew we needed to experience some kind of Christmas anyway.

They asked if THEY could decorate a DIFFERENT tree, put in a DIFFERENT room in the house, with DIFFERENT ornaments, so we would have something special to see without bringing painful memories of traditions lost.

What a blessing to us all! Precious friends swooped in while I was out of the house and did what I could not bear to do.

We enjoyed that DIFFERENT tree so much!

Christmas memories were made, but old memories were not thrown in our faces every time we entered a room.

A gift box at the bottom of the tree read, “JESUS, the reason for the season”.

Every time I saw the box it brought my focus back where it needed to be….

Jesus.

Every Christmas since that one, that DIFFERENT tree has decorated our front porch. A sweet reminder of friends who cared enough in my adversity to give my children something I could not give them that year.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Proverbs 17:17 (ESV)

I am thankful I was encouraged to tell family and friends that I could not “do normal” for the holidays that first year. I am even more thankful they went out of their way to make the holidays less painful by recognizing our need for DIFFERENT.

If you are feeling holiday haze, be honest with yourself as to your limits. If possible, share your thoughts with those who may be worried about you. Tell them if you need something DIFFERENT.

Allow yourself time to heal.

Father, the holidays bring a special kind of pain to a widow. The decorations, twinkling lights, songs of cheer and laughter pale in comparison to the anguish of loss. You know this. You catch our tears in a bottle! Please, shower us with Your comfort. Guide us peacefully through the pain of this season to remind us of the TRUE reason we celebrate! Your Son’s story is heard by people who may never acknowledge Him otherwise. Help us to keep our eyes on You by focusing on Him! Amen.