{{item.title | uppercase}}

“There are some bad things in my life.”

These are the words that came out of my seven-year-old son’s mouth one night.

Pushing back all of the emotions, “What bad things?” I calmly asked.

“Well, just one, really.” And he pointed up as if he was pointing to heaven.

My husband Michael made his way to heaven when our son, Ty, was just one-and-a-half years old. The impact of him losing his dad at such a young age weighs heavily on me (a lot more on some days). Early on in my grief journey, I tried to barter with God and demanded a solution. “He’s done nothing wrong,” I pleaded, “He doesn’t deserve to experience such sorrow and loss when his life is just starting out, Lord! Do something.”

You see, I struggled with (and sometimes still do) the fact that this innocent child has to experience the loss of his biological father and never truly knowing him – and the impact this has on our lives. When I find myself in this place, I realize I am forgetting who is in control. I am forgetting that I serve a sovereign God. I am forgetting who has stood by my side day in and day out, year after year – my God of grace, mercy and miracles. As my dear sister in Christ and the President of A Widow’s Might ministry has learned and shared in a recent post, I’m letting “my earthly emotions become the master over me.”

The worry can be debilitating and keep me up at night. During those times, I pray, read a devotional and/or my Bible, and my perspective and my focus begin to change. I’ve learned that God is more interested in our character than our comfort.

“… or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NIV)

The Lord always wants His children to come to him, no matter the circumstances. Sometimes He answers our prayers how we want them to play out, and other times he doesn’t. This can be so difficult, especially when we see others whose prayers are answered according to their will. But when the “thorn” isn’t removed from our side, He gives us grace and mercy to live through it. His grace is sufficient for whatever we, or our children, face!

This journey, though treacherous at times, has provided opportunities to share the glory of Christ and His grace, strength and restoration, time and time again. The Lord has also provided so many people to be His hands and heart, including my husband Keith, who has been an amazing “dad on earth” to Ty. He is truly a miracle in our lives.

And though neither Keith nor I can “fix it” for my precious son, I know the Lord is and will continue to be by Ty’s side every step of his journey, too. I am thankful for the promise that His power is made perfect in our weakness.

“Teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Matthew 28:20 (NIV)

Lord, Thank you for your mercy, love and grace. Remind us that our job is to be an example for our children, pray for them and point them to You. Your job is everything else. You are in control, and that includes the lives of our children. Give us peace that surpasses all understanding. Amen.