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You are El Roi – the God who sees me........
from Genesis 16:13

We always knew where the other one was – my beloved and I.

It wasn’t because we were possessive or controlling – it’s just the way it was between us – shared lives, shared interests, the marriage covenant. He would be working in the shop, building furniture, and I could literally see him from the connecting breezeway window.

He could see me as well, and when I would sit down at the kitchen table, he would come in and join me for a break. We worked hand in hand to build our business, raise our daughter and in all the daily household tasks – even washing the dishes together! Our lives were intricately woven together. Even after I began to work outside our home, we could mentally “see” each other. We knew the other’s schedule and in our mind’s eye we knew what the other was doing throughout the day.

The stroke he suffered seven months before he passed put him in the hospital directly across from the building where I worked at the time. I could go to my window and look upon the window to the room where he was. I knew his daily schedule then as well and what he likely was doing at any given moment.

Eventually he went to a care center. Knowing his schedule there as well, I “knew” what he was doing. He was always in “my mind’s eye” and in my heart and I was in his.

In each other’s hearts.

That’s what I miss so very, very much. I am no longer in someone’s heart.

There have been days in these last few years when I have wondered if anybody sees me. Is anybody aware that I exist? Is there just one person who thinks about me on a regular basis and cares about my well-being? Of course, there are those in my life who care about me and love me. My daughter calls regularly, and there are friends who do as well. I am blessed by their love for me.

Still, there are days when in this Desert of Sorrow, I wonder…

I think of another who found herself in a Desert of Sorrow, lost and alone. God’s Word tells us about Hagar, who found herself in a desert. It was there that God met her and revealed Himself to her, letting her know He was aware of her misery. Thereafter, she referred to Him by one of His many names – El Roi – The God Who Sees Me.

And now He gently reminds me – “I am El Roi – the God who sees you”.

Yes, He sees me –

When I open my eyes in the morning in bed alone.

Leaving for work and having no one to wish me a good day.

Coming home to an empty, quiet house.

Gathering the bills and the checkbook.

Shopping for one.

Closing the blinds as night falls on another day.

When I sleep.

Sitting here, typing these words.

El Roi “My God Who Sees Me”

He sees everything I do. I am in His heart, and I am always on His mind. His eyes are upon me all the time – His eyes of love, filled with tenderness towards this widow – His beloved child. I am loved beyond measure by El Roi – The One Who Sees Me.

His eyes are upon you as well, dear sister. I pray that as you read these words, you will come to know that nothing can separate you from the love of El Roi – not even the pain caused by grief. For His eyes are upon you all the time – they are the eyes of love and compassion. He knows your pain and He sees your struggle. Daily, He says, “I am El Roi – I see YOU.”

Dear Father, I pray for a new awareness of Your love. I pray we would know Your constant presence in our lives and that You see us – we are always on Your mind and in Your heart. Give us peace, Father. Amen