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As life unfolds and God’s “plan” for our lives unravels, there can be times when we question God. Whether it’s because He allowed something to happen, didn’t allow something to happen, or because we think He isn’t moving fast enough.

We think that we have every right to demand an answer to our “whys” in life.

My questions of “why” really started when I was called to be a widow. I never thought widowhood was in God’s “plan” for me. Why? First because God loved me! And second, because I had five kids that needed their earthly daddy. Really, what kind of God would take a father from his children? Not my God! And lastly, because I was good. I went to church, loved the Lord and was raising these children the right way! Or was I? Ugh, I was SO wrong! I believed the lies from Satan that my “good” deeds and love for my heavenly Father would outweigh any bad that could possibly happen to me.

So when the Lord called my husband home that solemn day in September, I was left empty and re-thinking God’s plan for my life. The whys came pouring out of not only my shattered heart, but five little hurting hearts. They too were left with unanswered questions. For months, we challenged God and His “perfect plan” for our lives. We had all been taught that God had a prosperous plan for our lives! ONE that wouldn’t be evil but give us a future and hope! Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (NKJV) We hear this verse used so often to encourage believers to think positive, but I never really took the time to really find out who the Lord was talking to in the chapter.

I was guilty of picking and choosing a verse in the Bible that I felt was directed to me.

I was guilty of believing that nothing evil could ever happen to me and my future was going to be bright! How do I explain why the Lord allowed my husband to die? I don’t know about you but that seems like evil to me…

Finally after months of grieving and wrestling with the “whys” in my life, the Lord answered me.

It wasn’t with some audible voice or heavenly host of angels bringing a message of hope and purpose. It was through a simple thought that flooded my heart with so much peace and created a passion like no other.

The answer was so that God could be glorified in my grief.

Period.

At that point in time, I still had no idea how to handle grief, let alone encourage others experiencing grief, but through it all, God is God and I am NOT. He knows my pain. He knows my heartache. He knows my loneliness. He knows. The comfort of that carried me through so many rough months. And finally, the grieving seemed to have purpose. My life was taking shape once more and my joy had returned.

The broken heart that longed for love was once again filled. In the Lord’s kindness, He brought me a wonderful Godly man whom I would marry and start a family with all over again. I became pregnant shortly after we married and was due in February 2018.

But again, God’s plan is far better than mine. At twenty-six weeks, our baby girl, Ella Grace was found to be dead in utero. It’s been five days since she died but I remember so vividly the day before when my sister called and was crying about her son’s health issues. She was panicking and just plain scared, and I comforted her by telling her that I too was scared the night before because I thought something was wrong with the baby since she wasn’t moving all day. I remember praying with my husband who said, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes. He’s got this babe!” And then shortly after, I thought I felt a kick and was comforted thinking she was fine. When my sister heard that, she was comforted knowing that there was nothing to fear.

The Lord knows what is best for our lives and nothing is too small or big for Him to handle.

Needless to say, the Lord did take home our baby girl. Once again, I’m am tempted to demand from God the answer to my “why” but quickly reminded from the book of Job that He is GOD and I am NOT.

Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said: “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man;I will question you, and you make it known to me. “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?
Job 38:1-5 ESV

The whole book of Job is an awesome book to read during times of grief, but these first verses just made me stop with my demands and questioning of God’s plan for my life and bask in His great love for me.

So rest in God’s plan for your life knowing that with every trial and trouble that comes your way do not give in to despair, the Lord wants to grow you through it!

Let go of the “whys” in life and embrace the new growth coming!

He knows what is best for our lives, even when we don’t see it then.

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31 ESV