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Valentine’s Day is upon us. I am surrounded by heart candy, helium balloons, and cards filled with sweet sentiments. I find that Valentine’s Day reminds me of past love and past celebrations. It has been more than 7 years since my last Valentine’s Day with my husband, Bill. No matter how many years pass, February holds memories of love and loss. My husband passed from this world into heaven on a cold February day. As he was taken off life support and the rhythmic noises of the machine stopped, his breathing stopped as well. His eyes looked peacefully past me toward heaven.

That was when grief became more than a word to me. It became a battle with my emotions, and a struggle to come to an understanding of what life looks like after love and loss. I cannot pretend that life in this world is without regular and significant sorrows. There is no way to avoid pain, suffering and loss. But godly sorrow is vastly different from worldly grief. Grief for me is a reflection of the love that was present in the relationship between my husband and me.

We love because He loved us.
1 John 4:19 (ESV)

I have learned that love does not disappear when someone leaves this earth. Grief has a way of trying to convince me that the depth of my pain means something has been lost forever. But God has shown me over time that memories that surface during my grief are a gift. Our love was genuine, and those memories emphasize that the time we shared mattered. God was in the midst of our relationship, and nothing I entrust to the Lord is ever wasted. Love does not end at death.

As Christians, we grieve. Being a believer does not mean my sorrows go away or that they are minimized. I find that God has taken out my old, dead heart and put in a new one. In Christ, now the insensitivity and imbalance of my old self have been renewed. I am renewed in the likeness of Jesus. With the help and healing of the Holy Spirit, I feel more, not less. I am learning to grieve with hope.

Brothers, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who are without hope.
1 Thessalonians 4:13 (ESV)

In the Bible, hope is thick, not a wish but a reality. Christian hope is a firm expression of faith applied to the future. When sorrow rolls in like the billowing sea, we can seek to honor God by grieving in hope. Hope in the plans God has for us on earth, hope in eternal life, hope at the return of Christ, and hope laid up for us in heaven.

The faith and love proceeding from the hope stored up for you in heaven, of which you have already heard in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you.
Colossians 1:5 (ESV)

Grieving with Christ, in my view, does not suppress or minimize my grief. I do not mourn the years I did not have with my husband; instead, I celebrate the love and moments we shared. I can begin to see God redeeming my loss as He provides me strength for each day. By learning to lean into scripture and focus on what Jesus teaches me by His example, the Lord fills my heart with hope. Jesus was referred to as a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
Isaiah 53:3 (ESV)

We are called to follow Him. The Bible invites each of us into a sanctified sorrow. I can learn to live fully before God. To glorify Him does not mean I am always happy, but in my sorrow, He provides comfort. As I experience His presence and power my heart bends toward hope.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4 (ESV)

Today I celebrate the love that was present. I thank God for all the moments that were simple and have become special because they were shared together. Remembering is not moving backward, but simply a reflection of shared moments, and that life has seasons. Joy will come, and the Lord is honored as He provides sustaining grace to keep me afloat. The prophets of old told of sorrows that would turn to joy. Christ is the fullness of joy and pleasures. He turns the eyes of our soul to God’s promise of our eternal future.

Lord, give us eyes to see You in the midst of our loss. Provide hope and purpose for each day and the ability to celebrate the memories and moments we shared with our husbands. May we remember that our grief is only a reflection of the love we shared. Thank you for sending Jesus to show us the love you have for us and the grace we can receive by faith in Him. Amen.