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Gratitude is powerful and can reshape how I see the world. Gratitude reminds me of the good that is present all around me even though at times it seems like life is out to get me. Gratitude can be hard to find sometimes and other times, it is abundant and overflowing. But gratitude in all things? That is a different idea.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.
Philippians 4:6 NIV

When my late husband Jim went into the hospital for the first time, resulting in a tracheostomy and an unsure future, we printed out this verse of scripture and taped it to our closet door. We could see it every day and at that time my focus was on the first part – not being anxious. I trusted that Jim would improve, beating the late stage neurological Lyme disease that had started beating down his body so badly. Over the next many years, that scripture remained on our closet door. Our children got bigger and stronger while Jim got smaller and weaker. Still we had faith. And even with his body failing him to the point that he could no longer walk, move his body, eat or breathe on his own, we continued to pray and to look hopefully to our future. My logic was sound –our children needed their father and certainly God would know this. My husband was a strong fighter and if anyone could beat the odds he could. And we believed. We knew miracles happened and we were being patient, waiting on ours to arrive. But obviously that day did not come. Seven years after his diagnosis, Jim died.

I know many of you have similar stories. As the journeys of your husbands’ fights went on you saw signs of improvement and reasons for celebrations, only to be followed by declines in health, sad reports from the physicians and discouragement in general. The ups and downs that occur when someone you love is fighting for their health – it’s exhausting and an emotional roller coaster. But all of it would be worth it if the ending was happy. But in our cases, that ending was not what we would have written in our book.

And for this ending – we are to give thanks? “In every situation…. with thanksgiving…..”

I struggle with this. I see the good in life. My kids make that part easy. They are sweet and wonderful. I see the good in people. They are kind and my friends. I see the good in situations. A bad event brings out the best in many people and positive change can result.

But again, I struggle with the good associated with my husband dying. The good with my children having no father. The good with my kids growing up without truly knowing their dad and all that he could have taught them, shown them, and loved on them.

I took the scripture down from my closet long ago. My husband has been gone now for 3.5 years. I had no need to see the verse anymore as I have it memorized and imprinted on my brain. Over time, my focus has shifted from the first part to the second part – the part about being thankful in every situation. As I reflect on life with sick Jim, I certainly gained from those trying times. I became more resilient, I savored moments more and appreciated fully. Jim and I grew closer as a couple than we ever had been. I was able to show Jim love in a way I couldn’t before as I took care of him more and more.

But how to be thankful in his death?

I am thankful that Jim died at home and did not suffer during his last days. I am thankful that by his death, Jim rallied people to the cause of Lyme disease and brought awareness to this disease. I am thankful that during his death, I had strength for my kids and could help them deal with the loss. I am thankful that I know his life and his death mean something. I am still not sure why he died when and how he did, but I know I will understand someday and good will ultimately come from this event. I am thankful that Jim is with Jesus now.

And I am thankful that I will see him again, when I too go to be with Jesus. And for now I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3 (NIV)

Dear God, please help us to remember our husbands and honor them as such. Give us strength to remember also that there is good in life and so much to be thankful for today. Help us to be strong as we move forward in life without our spouses. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen