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“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”
Proverbs 17:17

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
Proverbs 27:17

“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”
Luke 6:31 (NIV)

I have friend drama! Yes, can you believe it? A woman- a widow- with drama. It’s shocking, right?

The other day I was sitting with my daughter talking about the journey she’s embarking on as a pre-teen girl, and the friendship roller coaster ride that will last her entire life.

I walked her through some of my good and bad experiences. We looked at what Scripture says about friendship, particularly the three verses above. I use these as my cornerstones on friendships now.

I reminded her of the key truth: She has no control over her friends and what they may or may not do. But, she has complete control of her actions, her words, and how she reacts to those drama-filled, hurtful or hard moments.

She can be the kind of friend she wants her friends to be to her.

I explained to my girl, she will fall short and she will completely fail at times on this friendship roller coaster. Yes, there will be drama. Yet, she is covered by grace and should just strive to be a friend that honors God and loves well. I even promised her that friendship is one of God’s greatest gifts.

Recently, I needed to remind myself of all this. I got an “in my face” reminder of a lost and negatively-changed friendship, and it stung. My friendships have changed throughout my life. But in the last five years, many of my friendships have changed the most drastically. It’s tough to know you’re no longer who you were to some friends. You can’t be and have some of the friends the way you did as a married woman.

It’s even tougher as I pray and walk this journey when I realize, maybe I wasn’t the friend I wanted others to be to me. YES! I do indeed bear some of the burden and responsibility throughout my life for my friend drama.

In the book of Mark there’s a rather brief story where Jesus heals a paralytic. In Mark 2:5, Jesus forgives and heals the man because of his friends’ faith. It says, “When Jesus saw THEIR faith,” He forgave and later healed the man.

If you look closely at this story, the men had traveled carrying this sick man on a mat to where Jesus had stopped. When they arrived there was no room for them to enter the home where Jesus was teaching. So, instead they climbed on the roof and hoisted the man up, then dug a hole in the roof and lowered him down. This took great time, sacrifice, care, love, commitment, and effort.

They were friends who were willing to climb on a roof for another.

Friends who were willing to get messy and dirty!

Friends who were willing to sacrifice time and energy!

Friends who were willing to be greatly inconvenienced for another!

As I have walked this journey I’ve had a few friends who got on the roof for me, and I’ve had others just not willing or able to go there.

Through my own experiences, I now know I do want to be a friend who will get on that roof every time!

I also realize the challenge is this; in the midst of anything I have going on, I need to strive to be the kind of friend I want others to be to me. Remembering, I can shine Christ and show grace throughout. And when I sin and fall short, I can give it to Jesus, be forgiven, and just try again.

Father, I pray for all of my friends- past, present and future. I thank You for how You have grown me and taught through each friend You’ve brought into my life. I pray You bring a willing heart to me and every one of my sisters to be the kind of friend that loves well and honors You before others. Help me lead with love and grace even during the tough friendship moments, and help me to accept the changes with grace, and honor You in every moment. In Your Precious Name, Amen.