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The rug was pulled out from under me again.

Ever feel that way?

My kids need those good and godly relationships with adults, but they keep leaving our lives! Their dad, then another, then another, and yesterday–two more. For one reason or another, these have left our church or moved out of the area.

“But God, my kids need these relationships!”

“I am the Father to the fatherless.”

“You are, but it takes a village here on Earth too right?”

“I am enough.”

Silence.

It was a tsunami of emotions.

There were so many things going on. I was sad about an event going on with a family at my church. I was upset about world events. My circumstances were frustrating. And I texted my friend at AWM and said it wasn’t even about losing my Mark.

I spilled it all out in a long text to her. I need my “village people” but they keep leaving my life! But as I kept texting, about all the emotions, it came Full Circle. I had gotten into a fuss with one of the teens over Sunday dinner. As I expressed to her my frustration over this particular child and his similarity to his father’s personality traits, it landed on, “And if Mark hadn’t left me in this situation, I wouldn’t be having to deal with all this responsibility alone!”

There it was. I was essentially mad that my husband was “taken” from me. My thoughts had come full circle.

Again I was faced with the character of God. Is He trustworthy? How is He sovereign in my situation? Could He really be wise?

These friends leaving our lives couldn’t be good for us, could they?

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling
Psalm 68:5 (NIV)

It has been a fluctuating trust for me Did I truly believe God is the father to my fatherless children? I would do pretty well believing that, and then it would rise up again after something happened again. God keeps testing me, wanting to see if I will trust Him.

As I settled into this new “loss” of influence in our lives, I learned to trust God more deeply. Again. It isn’t a one-time test. Mostly because I am stubborn!

Fast forward several years.

I got past the loss of those folks and, honestly, forgot about those people who left our circle of influence. The teen that was most affected by their loss had gone to college. He was making good choices in friendships and his career. Little did I know that one of those influencers was watching and praying from a distance.

And when the time was right, he called my son out of the blue. He called to say he had been following my son’s life from afar and God told him to present to my son one of his prized guitars. This influencer had sparked my son’s love of music and watched as my son put his talents to use in leading worship in college and several churches in the area. He wanted my son to have a quality instrument to further his ability to lead worship. What a blessing!

God hadn’t forgotten about my son.

His hand was guiding through every step he made toward his future. We were able to reinforce as a family that God is the father to the fatherless and the defender of widows. We would never have spent the money on that quality instrument but God had a plan. And my son learned about God’s fathering as well in a personal way.

Let me encourage you today. Sometimes it is good to realize that those emotional days come back to our loss, even years out. It seems to come full circle when we slow down long enough to evaluate it. And God can be trusted with our children and their influencers. It does take a village but not always the village we choose.

I’m sure I haven’t learned this lesson fully yet. I’m pretty stubborn. But I hope I will learn faster the next time.

Lord Jesus, You are worthy of our trust. Thank You for being the father to the fatherless and the defender of widows. Help us to trust You with our children and grandchildren. Amen