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“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)

My children and I take a family of “4” vacation to the same place every summer now. It has become a treasured NEW tradition; one of the many I’m creating as we move forward. One of the highlights of this vacation is going to our favorite beach. On the third day there was a threat of rain, and it was chilly. I decided to brave it anyway, and grabbed TWO kites and a soccer ball. As we pulled down the two lane road, I realized I might be the only person thinking it might NOT rain. My ten-year-old daughter and twin seven-year-old sons groaned a bit as we unloaded. So I prayed half-heartedly for no rain. We settled in and some bickering began. My no-rain prayer petition became a bit more serious.

Once we figured everything out, the wind began to pick up, so it was perfect for kite flying. There was a problem though, I purchased two kites and thought we could “buddy” up and share. I definitely had some twin brain (it’s a fact, twins drain your brain twice as fast!) issues that morning. They weren’t in the mood to share. So, I explained they had to figure it out or the kites were going back to the car. Quickly, they had worked out a plan. My daughter, Shelby, and my dominant son, Scott, convinced my very placid, happy-go-lucky son, Ben, to let them have a go at the two kites while he “watched.” He as usual complied with a smile.

In just a few minutes Shelby and Scott had the kites up and flying. I watched as Ben marveled at their skills for a little while. Then he lost interest. I felt terrible that he had no kite of his own and the guilt set in on my morning “twin” brain. But instead of complaining, he began to look around and fumble through our stuff. Before I knew it he had created his own kite. He was off running around, hooting and hollering, while his make shift kite invention soared behind him.

I sat there in awe of my three uniquely and wonderfully made kids. I watched as my cautious girl, Shelby, soared her kite closer in and carefully monitored it often. Scott, my dare devil boy, was flying his kite high and free above where he paid it little mind. Then, there was my precious inventive Ben, who can make his own fun out of anything.

After my beloved husband’s death, I find it important and even helpful for their grief process to tell them what traits or idiosyncrasies they have that were their daddy’s. But inwardly I worry. My mommy heart is frightened by what they “could” inherit. He had so many wonderful qualities, but he also suffered greatly in his last few years. I also worry for them and the weight they will carry because their father committed suicide. It’s my mom heart and I know my mom heart lets satan in sometimes.

As I watched my three amazing children and how they each flew their kites differently, God reminded me of the verses above. He’s formed them each, He’s planned their days, and He knows their innermost beings better than I ever will. He is their all in all; He knows their beginning and their end. I don’t have to worry! They are each uniquely and wonderfully made and I can fully trust Him for all their days. No matter what traits they may inherit, they are in HIS hands!

I sat savoring my three blessings and their unique kite-flying techniques and meditating on God’s words, and such a sense of relief settled in. I’m not burdened by the traits my kids might inherit from either of us.

But, I’m freed by a God who’s so much bigger than our flesh. I can trust Him and His plan for them. I am so grateful for His promises, provision, and love for my kids and for me.