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I brought you flowers today. Stargazer Lilies. The same flowers you always gave me.

Except you weren’t there. It was just the place where your body lies.

I can never quite prepare myself for the emotional impact this day has after my husband Michael’s death. Just shy of seven years of marriage when he made his way to Heaven, April 19 would have been our 10th wedding anniversary.

The date that was once filled with happiness and hope is now covered in sadness. Our anniversary is a reminder of what will never be, filled with indescribable loneliness, as the only person this day has any real significance to is not here.

It’s easy to get bogged down in grief on days like this. No matter the amount of time that has passed, the memories – the “what ifs” and “what could have beens” seem to rear their heads even more. We can focus on sadness and sorrow far more than the beautiful memories and hope we have in seeing our beloved again.

At the cemetery that day, I sat sobbing, trying to find the strength to get off my knees. Anger enveloped me – “Why are you not here? Why can’t you be here to see Ty grow up?” I said aloud, “God help me.”

I wasn’t sure how I would get up and step forward, let alone face the rest of my day. It was a burden I could not bear … on my own.

And those are the moments I lean hard into Jesus. His strength pulled me up that day. His strength has and continues to keep me going in this life, not just surviving but thriving.

When we fix our eyes on our circumstances, they will always, always seem too heavy to bear. But when we focus on our Lord and eternal life with Him, we realize these “momentary troubles” are only temporary. This truth is what keeps me going.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)

After several minutes, I stood up. Though the grief doesn’t disappear, I know Jesus is with me and will continue to guide my steps no matter the circumstances this life brings.

Lord, Our circumstances can seem too heavy at times – the pain can be too much. But remind us that they are only temporary and will be worth it all when we see your face. Continue to guide our steps and help us to do Your will. Amen.