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Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;
Hebrews 12:2 (KJV)

It’s been five years…

I looked at my friend. “Five years, and I’m not sure God really understands my prayers and deepest desires. I want to remarry, have a partner again, a father for my kids!”

I know God is working, healing, and moving us. I’ve seen Him do amazing things these last five years.

BUT.

He hasn’t provided anyone. And it’s been five years. FIVE!

I honestly thought God would provide by now. What is He waiting on?

Then I shifted the drama into overdrive.

“It’s like my kids and I are the Israelites in the desert,” I cried to my friend.

Yes, I went there with abandonment!

My friend asked gently, probably choking back a bit of laughter. “Have you wandered for forty years? Are you hot, tired, uncomfortable nomads who keep facing God’s wrath for disobedience? Are you essentially lost in the desert, really?”

“Well, no. But still. I want this!” I argued.

My timetable

You can see from this conversation it’s clear my timetable is obviously not being adhered to by God. I’m even starting to consider, what if God doesn’t provide anytime soon or ever?

It’s been almost five years. This was the rule of thumb for me. I’m young and my kids so little, so I thoughtfully set the bar for God about a year after Scott passed, by the five year mark I’ll need to be remarried.

God’s timetable

As I reflect on this recent conversation with my friend, sitting just a few weeks away from the five year mark, I am reminded of Mary and Martha as they waited on Jesus to heal Lazarus. In John 11:21, Martha believed and even let Jesus know if only He had been there earlier Lazarus wouldn’t have died. Jesus hadn’t adhered to her timetable.

But we have the privilege of seeing that Jesus knew what He was doing. He even waited two extra days after learning of Lazarus’ illness and probable death before heading to see him.

In this passage we learn God’s plans and purposes are far greater than our own, beyond anything we can even fathom at times.

Mary and Martha believed, because Jesus was too late, it was over. Instead God had a far greater purpose!

Jesus in fact had perfect timing because He was able to perform one of His greatest miracles by raising Lazarus from the dead. (John 11:43)

Eternal timetable

Mary and Martha lost sight of the fact that JESUS DOESN’T ADHERE TO HUMAN TIMING. Instead, He’s all about the eternal, and He knows the plans and The Planner better than anyone. He doesn’t go too slow or too fast.

God is making me wait. No let me rephrase that, He is allowing me to wait. I realize He has great purpose in the wait.

He wants me to grow in Him, to trust Him, to seek Him, and to serve Him. He has me wait, so I can grow into who He needs me to be.

I now realize like Mary and Martha I wasn’t well focused.

I was focused on the timing and chapters of my story and not on the Author!

Today, as I prepare to step into the first days of year six, I’m committing to look to the Author and Perfecter of all things each day, even as I wait… or even if the the answer isn’t the one I desire.

Father God, help me to trust You no matter what. Help me to not get caught up in the time frame and the days and months. Instead remind me of Your perfect plans for me and my kids. Grow us into who You desire us to be. Provide for us in the ways You see fit. Help us to trust You in each moment of this life, whether You are having us wait or are just steering us in a different direction. In Your Matchless Name, Amen.