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It was a chilly morning in February as I sat having my quiet time.

BRRRRiing BRRRRRing BRRRring.. My husband’s alarm was blaring from the other room for what seemed like forever. I finally got up to go into the bedroom to turn it off. “Wake up, Elvin,” I said. I touched him, trying to physically wake him, but there was no movement.

“Sarah, your dad isn’t waking up!” I ran yelling into my teen daughter’s room.

“Daddy!” I will never forget hearing that one word from our daughter as she ran into the bedroom. As we spoke to the 911 dispatcher, I truly knew my Elvin wasn’t going to make it, but we tried to do what the dispatcher said until the ambulance arrived. As we left the room, the shock hit us both. We arrived at the hospital with friends and family already there, February 6 will never be forgotten.

Looking back on the last five years, four things have helped me deal with my grief.

• God: He’s never left me even through times of change in my life. I’ve known Him as my Lord and Savior for many years, and know He promises to never leave or forsake me. What a blessing!

“For Thou art my hope; O Lord God, Thou art my confidence from my youth.”
Psalm 42:11 KJV

2/7/2012 (day after Elvin died)

• God’s Word: Due to helping my aging parents, I’ve had to miss church most Sundays. But I have to remember…God’s plans aren’t necessarily my plans. I have to continue to be in God’s Word daily. That’s why I do my Journaling Bible–to give me a chance to use Scripture with my illustrations and still encourage others.

“I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, And in His Word do I hope.”
Psalm 130:5 KJV

2/20/2012

“My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Thy Word.”
Psalm 119:28 KJV

7/29/2014

• Prayer: Communication is a great way to get to know someone better. Prayer is one way I’ve talked to God. He’s helped me through times of not only grief, but daily living. God answers prayer. He’s shown Himself faithful in my life over and over.

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, Thou wilt revive me;”
Psalm 138:7 KJV

7/10/2012

• Friends/Family: Two women at my church lost their husbands within a month of when my husband died. Our common bond we share from experiences and grief is Jesus. We’ve become close friends. Pat is so much fun to be around. Marilyn has become my piano teacher. Playing piano wasn’t always my favorite, but I love it now. Piano days, we may laugh, cry, share, encourage, or even work on her house (we fixed the vacuum cleaner one time!). We even play the piano!!! I’ve found frowns turn into smiles when I leave her house. Music (especially Christian) has become my source of strength. I’ve many friends, but only a few stay in constant contact with me, encouraging every step of this tough journey. Church and Christian school friends and family have been there so often.

My daughter, Sarah, husband Andrew, and daughter Ruby, and adorable dog, Murphy are the highlight of my days. As I continue this journey, I live with my parents. My mother continues to decline battling Alzheimer’s disease. It’s sad to watch my beautiful mother become weaker–she was so independent when she had her floral business and catered weddings. Dad, on the other hand, turns ninety in December, and still thinks he can work flower beds and have a beautiful garden (he had a landscaping business/nursery for many years). Sometimes, I think he works outside to get away from all the problems on the inside. I had never really thought about all the things he must go through daily…watching his beautiful wife change before his eyes.

“Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16 KJV

2/15/2013 “Thank You, Lord.”

Periods of grief, sadness, anger, bitterness, that “poor me” attitude, and other emotions have sometimes filled my days of grief. I’ve cried many tears. God never ever promised life would be easy. It has been the most difficult, but most uplifting at times. I am no longer the same. It hasn’t been easy, but blessings of peace, hope, and joy that only God can give outweigh what the world has to offer. If I had to choose God’s plans or my plans for me, now I would say “His plans.” He’s truly an amazing God. It’s not always easy, but I’ll choose God over anything or anyone else.

Thank You, Father, for walking with us through all our days. You take our grief and turn it into joy again. Guide us as we follow You on this new journey of widowhood. We want to smile again. To see joy on our faces again. To love life again. We choose You over anything or anyone. Amen