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Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
Psalm 100:4 (ESV)

Sister, we are entering some of the most challenging days as a widow – the holidays. How do we do it? Is there a way to actually look forward to these days ahead instead of dreading every square on the calendar until it is mid-January? This verse came to my mind as I was considering entering the holidays because of the word THANKSGIVING. One of the most important parts of dealing with your emotions during these weeks surrounding Thanksgiving and Christmas is thankfulness. Find something every day to be grateful for. Maybe you can even do a “30 or 60 days of Gratitude” journal and see how it changes your focus.

Here are five practical ideas to help you deal with the upcoming holiday and the emotions involved.

1. Accept that you will have strong emotions to work through but try to not let them overwhelm you! Having a lot of emotions during the holidays is totally normal. Don’t fight the emotions but process them by being intentional in your prayer life. You may struggle emotionally, physically, or even spiritually during these weeks. Expect it and just realize it is normal. As you go through the emotions, tell God how thankful you are for the holidays you had together. Create times when you focus on God and the reason for the season separate from the times you are processing your memories and grief. We can be thankful for God’s eternal purpose for our lives.
2. Set realistic goals for yourself and know your limits! Be kind to yourself and allow times for activity and times for rest. You may just include one of the traditions your family “always” did and leave the others out for the first couple of years. Then later you can add them or not. When thinking of the big family meals, keep in mind that they will never be “the way it was”. You may not be able to cook all the dishes like you did before and that’s perfectly fine. This might be the year to do a potluck or even eat out. Make rest a priority so that you can invest in the activities you choose to do. We can be thankful for the new memories with family and friends.
3. Prepare for and minimize activities that will evoke lots of memories. If you decide to send out Christmas cards, you might be shocked when you stumble over how to sign the card. Perhaps sending out a preprinted card or letter will allow you to reach out to loved ones without the strain of repeatedly thinking about the missing signature. Remember that setting the holiday table will look different and think in advance about how you /your family want to handle the empty chair. Some find comfort in the empty chair and think about their loved one being with them in spirit. Others want to change up the setting so they aren’t thinking about it. There is no right or wrong, you just can help minimize the emotions if you think and talk about it in advance. You may also pull out ornaments that have your husband’s name on them. Perhaps you want to handle those ornaments differently this year. Again planning in advance can help you and other members of the family not get surprised and overwhelmed in the moment. It’s important to remember everyone is grieving and the more you can support each other through planning and communicating in advance, the more you can help each other in the moment. And it is perfectly acceptable if you (and your family) choose to skip some traditions this year. We can be thankful that God is with us every step of the way.
4. Make plans so you have time with other people and time for yourself! Be intentional about scheduling some fun activities. I asked one friend early in my journey if we could plan on attending one Christmas event together each year. We have done a variety of things over the years and it makes me feel good to know I’m taking responsibility for creating fun new memories. It also helps my family understand they are not responsible for me every minute of the holiday season. Or you can look for ways to help someone else. Go visit shut-ins from your church or offer to babysit for young families so they can Christmas shop or have a date. Go for an extended stay with family or friends so you don’t have to be alone for so long. We can be thankful that God created us to love one another.
5. Decide how you want to handle invitations to holiday parties. You may want to try to go to everything you are invited to or you may not feel like going to any. You may go to one. Whatever you decide to do is totally okay. And yes, you might cry so bring tissues. And yes, people might ask you about your late husband. Know that you can leave any time you are uncomfortable or just mentally exhausted from being around others. Take a few minutes here at the start of the holidays to consider how you want to handle invitations. Another option is to take a trusted friend with you who will drive you both and be conscious of your need to leave early. Pray about how God would want you to navigate these things. I couldn’t stay the thought of being alone on New Year’s Eve so I invited some girlfriends to come over for a fancy dinner and a sleepover! We had the best time. We can be thankful that God created us to be a part of the body of Christ for all eternity.

Sister, you will look back in a few weeks and realize you survived the holidays. You made it to January! But before the holidays start take some time to prepare. Hopefully, some of these practical ideas will help you. But most importantly, spend time in prayer and God’s Word to remind you of God’s great love for you! Here are some verses to get you started. You can read these verses as prayers back to God. (all verses are from ESV)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? … For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35-39

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

The best part about this as a believer in Christ is that you do not have to go at this alone. You can tell yourself, “This is going to be hard but I can get through it because Jesus is walking beside me!”