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“Oh, this is your first holidays without your husband.”

“Just try to get through these first holidays without Mark.”

It was November. My husband had passed away eleven months earlier, and we were entering the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s without him. After one such comment like the ones above, I bowed my head. Lord, how do You want us to spend these holidays?

I just didn’t think these approaching holidays were going to be that crushing because God was moving in my heart in big ways.

The previous eleven months were filled with firsts – I had sat alone through the school programs and graduation. We had celebrated all six kids’ birthdays and mine and his. Our wedding anniversary and Valentine’s Day had come and gone.

As I thought about Thanksgiving and Christmas, God gave my mind some clarity: these holidays were not about me.

So, with that in mind, I entered the holidays with a lighter heart and a healthier outlook. I was not going to be depressed. I turned my focus on our blessings, not our losses. Prayers, not complaints. Serving others, not ourselves. That was my prayer that year and every year since.

Can God guide YOU in this way as well? Yes, He sure can. He wants to comfort you through the holidays. Our journeys are different, and He will lead in various ways. But I know He WILL comfort you and be faithful with each of us in the way we need it best.

That first holiday season, I made a list of ten random things I was thankful for. The list included health, working vehicles, relationships, family, and schools. My eyes also turned to the Psalms, searching for verses telling me to give thanks.

I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
Psalm 9:1 (ESV)

When we “recount all of your wonderful deeds”, it takes our minds off our circumstances and onto something else.

One way, before the holidays consume us, would be to take the year (2019) and break it down like this:

20 things or individuals you are thankful for

1 verse to focus on for the coming year

9 names of people you will commit to praying for the coming year

This is just one idea. You can mix up the list any way you want. Perhaps you could do 20 things you are thankful for and 19 things to pray about. Do whatever works for you. And you can repeat it every year with minor changes.

God bless you as you enter this holiday season. If you are new in your grief journey, this exercise may be more difficult. It might help to “recount” just 2 of God’s wonderful deeds, 1 verse to meditate on, and 9 people you can pray for. Just mix it up until a plan comes together for you. Pray about it, asking God to help you “recount his wonderful deeds”. Whether in early grief or years down the road, either way, we are called to be thankful (Colossians 3:15).

Sometimes old songs get stuck in my head, and this one certainly has lately.

Count Your Many Blessings reminds us there is always a blessing to count.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; ev’ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

Father God, You have done many wonderful deeds in each of our lives. Help us not lose sight of them while our hearts are hurting. Guide us as we look to You to comfort and guide us as we enter the holiday season. Thank You for Your faithfulness each day. Amen